Catchup

Catchup time. This might take a while.

First my trip to Bangladesh, and some photos and video I took there. I have to say I'm only posting these because I said I would. When I finally got to see the images on screen they were a massive disappointment. I've set it to music in an attempt to make it bearable, but basically you have some grainy foootage of takeoff and landing, a reasonable exciting boat trip, a boring car trip through Sylhet and some still photos of tea plantations. Watch it for the music, I would - by the way it's Nitin Sawhney "Prophecy".


Before leaving for blighty I managed to sell the bike to an English chap, after having it on Thai Visa (A bit like Loot) for only one day. I'm sorry to lose it but the justifications were wearing thin, since I will be living 200 metres from the office. Here it is on the last night of my ownership, looking clean and sleek. I hope he looks after it...



The Christmas break was as busy, fraught, enjoyable, frustrating, fun-filled and miserable as ever. In no particular order, here are some memories - recorded here before I commit them to the "Forget" pile.

I left Bangkok in 35 degrees and arrived home to blizzard conditions and sub-zero temperatures. Quite disconcerting. Over the two weeks we must have had that smug "I've got a 4*4 and you haven't" feeling a thousand times. In fact a round of applause please for the one good purchase we made 12 years ago - the Toyota Rav4 has done everything we asked of it and 150,000 miles later, after crossing Europe several times with an overloaded trailer, taking us on summer trips with the top down, climbing impossible hills with silky ease, getting us to hundreds of nearly-missed flights at illegal speeds, carrying unlikely bits of furniture and finally dealing with this year's snow-fest without missing a beat, it still has the original exhaust, has never broken down and drives like brand new. (Clap now please)

Here's a picture of said beloved vehicle, laughing off the snow on Christmas eve:
Anecdote 1: While I was home we undertook the two-man task of clipping and bathing the moggies. Cheese wan't too pleased to say the least. Here he is in a rare angry moment, looking, well, clipped and bathed:
Anecdote 2: One of my first gatherings of the season was a funeral for my cousin Graham, who died of cancer aged 51 - how tragic is that?. When we were kids we lived in the same street in Liverpool, and basically we grew up as brothers. People used to say we looked alike, but in fact he was the good-looking one. I lost touch with him after getting married and occasionally I'd consider contacting him and going out for a few, to share memories. That won't happen now and it goes to show the danger of losing touch. The funeral wasn't too sombre - we're a fairly pragmatic family. It was actually nice to see everyone again after all this time. I witnessed a historic conversation between two of my sisters, who haven't spoken for fifteen years, so that was nice. Here are all six siblings, with a couple of partners and a daughter for good measure:Clockwise from top left: Paul, Robert, Paul, Alex, Me, Viv, Chris, Jenny and Gay.
Here's Chris and Jenny making up, with me getting in the way:(History in the making - for the last 15 years I'd need arms 120 miles long to do this)

Lyn put her best Thai-made 50's style frock for Christmas day, and was just as pretty as a picture. In fact here is a picture:(Lyn does the 50's housewife thing - very domesticated)

As usual there was lots of driving around. Occasionally I would be struck by how different the climate is from here in Thailand. One guy here actually asked if I would bring back some snow because he's never seen it. I told him to stick his head in a freezer for five minutes and the effect would be the same. He didn't believe me. Anyway I settled for taking pictures of snowcapped hills.
A panorama from the road above New Mills:

..and the view of Kinder Plateau from my study window:

We did all our shopping in one day in Manchester. It snowed. Here are Lyn and Colin happily (ahem) posing for a snap in Piccadilly Gardens:

I'll soon be in my new apartment, which is visible from the office window. It's very exciting and a little bit sad because I've been in the old place for 15 months and I do tend to get attached to places I've lived in. I get all teary-eyed leaving hotel rooms if I spend more than one night in them so imagine how I feel now. Ihope the new place turns out to be as comfortable as this one. It's certainly cheaper and that counts for a lot... I suppose. (Sniff)

(Taken from the Office window)

Blimey, that's enough catching up for now. If I dredge up any more I'll be sure to post it. For now, be good.

Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone, and what an auspicious day it is. One person is responsible for my elevated mood this morning. I won't say his name but his initials are Jack Hindley.

I even felt festive enough to put my super melting snowman banner on the blog.

Nuff said.

Suvarnabhumi again

Hello from Gate C5, and goodbye to warmth. I'm heading into the blizzard. Ssee you in 17 hours, glad I packed a scarf.

I STILL Hate Bad Science

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8411329.stm

Well they're at it again. Apparently the secret of long life is to look young for your age. That seems like a simple thing to say, but the way the article above is worded has very dangerous undertones. For instance (and yes I know I'm banging on here), consider these two statements:

1. If your body's cell-reproduction system is good, you will live a long life. You will also appear to age slowly.

2. If you look young for your age, you are likely to live a long life.

The first statement is a bald statement of fact.

The second statement is a subtle spin, which invites the weak-minded to put the cart before the horse and conclude that the secret of long life is to look young. Don't laugh, it happens. They might then rush out and buy up their local Boots' stock of skin creams, or book into the local health spa, having once again been convinced that the problem of ageing and dying can be overcome if they just throw enough money at it.

I'd like to know who put the spin on this article. I'm betting on the journalists. I can't believe any decent scientist would allow their findings to be used in this way. The horrible thing is, once the headline has been swallowed, the actual research can be presented as evidence, and the illusion is reinforced.

Better go, I'm getting far too upset about it.

Be good.

Go

"Go" Is a topical word for me at the moment, being as I'm going to another part of Bangkok very soon, having today paid the deposit on another apartment. It's also the title of my new ground-breaking popular music video, which I post here for your enjoyment. It's not as exciting as the last one but I love the music just as much, so make sure you put it on extra-loud. (Clue - it's a builder).




Comment please, good or bad. If it bored you, that's bad. Anything else - nausea, headache, irritation of the skin or the mind, fear, loathing or love - those are all good. And if you actually liked it then even better.

By the way, the sharp-eyed amongst you will deduce from this footage that my new helmet-cam has arrived. Prepare for tons of video, in a host of inappropriate situations. A walk around the office, a drumming demostration, a visit to the Bai Yoke tower, an hour on a rowing machine (that'll get your travel sickness going), the possibilities are endless. That is, if I care to undertake these activities with an enormous blue rubber strap around my forehead, and what looks like a rocket-launcher hanging onto it. Nano-tech it is not...



Some pics of the view from my new apartment:



..and yes Lynny, it has a nice pool..


..at least we're not overlooked - except for the 200 foot elephant of course..

In other news, I was at the gym today when I noticed this guy:

Busiest man on the planet

Notice he's keeping himself occupied. Sorry it's a bit blurred - my arms were shaking from a particularly strenuous military curl - but he's reading, watching telly, listening to music AND exercising. What a hero.

While we're on (or in) the Gym, I did a quick double-take when I noticed they were selling sweat in the drinks cabinet, alongside the obligatory Perrier and Evian..


Blimey, what ever next?

I had to buy it, and despite looking like sweat, it tastes like Gatorade. So next time I'll take my own drinks.

What else is new? Oh yes, congrats to Wifey and Maureen for the successful exhibition opening night, and hope the visitors continue to flood in. There need to be more events like that in New Mills, so say we all.

Be good.

Three days off

In the middle of what seems like a very long break. Actually it's a three-day weekend because Monday is a national holiday. Unfortunately wifey's not here and I'm bored. So much so that I decided an hour ago that the furniture needed rearranging. I'm now sat facing a wall, whereas before I faced the window. However, I always had the curtain closed to cut out the glare, and now at least I'm not sat in the icy blast from the air conditioning unit. Much more comfortable. Here's a quick tour..


While we're on video, I await the arrival of my helmet cam, which will give me the ability to film anywhere and everywhere. I plan to film my journey to work and set it to music of course. Not sure Lyn will enjoy the occasionally small gaps I have to go through on the bike, but art is art, dahling.

I made an appointment to see some much cheaper apartments next week, closer to work - much closer. In fact walking distance from work. If I do move out it will be sad, I'm very comfortable here and guests seem to like it. I have Lyn and that Irish woman coming over in January so I'll keep this place till at least February. Also if I move close to work I won't need the bike so more savings there. Anyone want a mint condition D-Tracker? One careful owner...

Been training pretty much every day since the eat-athon that was Bangladesh. Now I feel a bit washed out, but also righteous. Today is a day of rest then it's back to the gym tomorrow. New gym is great, after the initial disappointment at finding that, surprise surprise, the rowing machine didn't work. I discovered this on the night I joined, so gave the manager an earful and threatened to leave if it didn't get fixed. Yes, pedantic and overbearing I admit. Lo and behold, on my second visit there was a new machine in its place. Now I feel obliged to row every time I visit. The gym also has a swimming pool, outdoor. It's fairly cool out there in the evenings, being December - I'd say mid-twenties centigrade, so a swim after training is perfect for cooling me down. All in all I'm pleased I changed gyms.

No other news, and no jokes I'm afraid. I better get on with the New Mills Original website I'm supposed to be developing.

Be good.

Bangladesh

Fully re-installed in the Bangkok apartment now, and happy to share my experiences in Bangladesh with you all. One disaster - I took loads of photos and video using my spare phone, which is old and has no USB connection and no Bluetooth, so currently I have no way of sharing those images with you, unless you care to get on a plane and fly 6000 miles to gather round my mobile...

Actually I do have a method for offloading the images but it involves using an equally ancient laptop which is at home in New Mills. It has an IR port ("What's that?" I hear you all say. "Look it up", I answer smugly). I knew I kept it for something. I'll do that during my Christmas hols - hold me to it, as my hero Gideon Coe is fond of saying.

I realised my mistake half way through the trip, and began using my normal phone, but to be honest the best part was flying into Bibiyana on a seaplane, landing on the river, jumping onto a speedboat and hurtling upstream for half an hour, to arrive at the creaking wooden jetty windswept and exhilarated like a proper Cadburys Milk Tray delivery man.

Meanwhile here's some rather dull anecdotes:

I flew business class - what a breath of fresh air that is, even if it makes my inner blue-collar, union-card-holding, all-men-are-equal-but-we-hate-rich-people self squirm with embarrassment every time I bypass a perfectly decent queue (full of potential blog victims) and get whisked onto the plane like I mean more than they do.

On landing at Dhaka, which by reputation is an overcrowded, foul-smelling, beggar-infested dump, we were picked up in a Chevron car - gigantic and air conditioned of course - and driven to the domestic airport for our onward flight to Bibiyana. The domestic airport turns out to be next door to the International Airport, so what the car was for I don't know. By the time the driver managed to manoeuver through the traffic, running over several tramps on the way, we could have walked the 100 metres door to door and still had time for that special me-next-to-the-soldier-with-the-ancient-rifle photo opportunity. Anyway, we were escorted through the tatty departure lounge straight onto the tarmac where our plane waited - wonder of wonders, a six-seater seaplane. I was so far beside myself I noticed I needed a shave. We took photos of the plane but they won't appear here till Christmas.

Landing on the water near the plant was very cool. It was a lovely sunny day and the river was dead flat. Millions of local farm kids appeared as we moored up at the bank to await the arrival of our boat. The plane doesn't often get used so it's all a bit of a novelty to the locals. The plant is in the north-east of Bangladesh in a very rural area with nothing but rice paddies for miles around. As I tell this I'm getting more and more annoyed that I can't show the photo's I took. In fact I just spent a few mins looking for a USB/Infra Red adapter on Ebay. Found one for £5.99 - result! Meanwhile back in the rice paddies, the speedboat turned up half an hour later, laden with one of the plant bosses' wife and kids, who were flying back to Dhaka on the same plane. Now we knew why we'd been put on a plane and not made to spend 6 hours bumping along the crappy roads to get there. Lucky us. The "Oilies" at the plant later gave horrifying descriptions of the road trip, which made us feel very special.

We were most impressed with the weather - apparently December and January are the best months in Bangladesh, cooler and drier than normal. It was about 28 detgrees and very sunny, but not uncomfortable due to the low humidity. All in all a very nice place to spend a few days. On arrival at the plant we were shown to our rooms, which could have been in any reasonably good hotel. One room per guest, containing TWO double beds and a nice clean bathroom. Cable telly of course. I have photos but we haven't yet arrived at the time when I changed phones.

On day three we took a trip out to the two remote facilities, which are both set in the hills about 50km from Bibiyana. We had to go through the nearest city, Sylhet, to get there, but what a treat the journey turned out to be. Tea plantations surround both plants - here's some photo's that don't do them justice:Tea-ladies Bangla style.

Tea, tea all around but not a drop to drink.

The place was simply beautiful. What a way to spend a working day. We did actually get some work done at the plant, and I managed to persuade the locals that I can actually fix things, by solving a few minor bugs for them, which they'd been struggling with for weeks, bless 'em. That helped to build trust so that we can continue to be their engineers-of-choice in the future. I also managed to impress my boss, who was with me, that I can walk the walk and not just talk the talk. A good day all round.

"If the world is ever given an enema, it will be delivered via Sylhet". And yes those are cows in the road.

Next day we flew - yes, flew, back to Dhaka. Unfortunately not on the sea-plane. This time we were driven the 40km to "Sylhet International Airport" which is a grand name for such a small place. Ah well, at least we once again avoided the road trip. One night in Dhaka was enough for me. The hotel was comfy enough, but one line on the room description gave a clue as to what there is to do and see in Dhaka - it says "With stunning views of the airport runway". I kid you not.

Our flight back to Bangkok was once again business class, and I was in good cheer. I was amused to discover we had an Asian pilot, when he made the customary patronising mid-flight speech. Talk of "Cluising at 36000 feet" and "Randing on the Lunway on time" made me snigger. Yes I know, not big not clever.

That's about all really. I ate a lot and subsequently made yet another resolution to get fitter/lose weight. In fact yesterday I joined another Gym, but that's another story and I'm fed up typing.

Later taters.

Oh by the way - the ironing board and iron I mentioned before going away were strategically left out as a gentle hint to my cleaner lady. When I got back they have been put away (I don't know where) and everything I own has been ironed. Aint life sweet.

Bangladeshi jokes

Actually recycled Indian jokes, but I'm in Dhaka so Bangla it is.

Did you hear about the 2 Bangladeshi heroin addicts who injected themselves with curry powder by mistake?

They are both in hospital, one with a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma.

and...

I went to a Bangladeshi restaurant and ordered a Tarka curry. The waiter said "what's tarka?" I said it's like Chicken tikka.. but it's otter.

I do believe I've posted that second one before, but I think I'll get away with it.

Bangladesh is great everyone, don't believe what you read. I've visited three gas plants this week, all in the North East near a city called Sylhet. Two of them were in picture-postcard locations with tea plantations all around. The climate here at this time of year is fantastic, temperatures in the high twenties and low humidity. By contrast, Dhaka is a dump.

Back to Bangkok tomorrow, with pictures and videos and stuff..

Shopaholic drops a bollock

I only wanted a small suitcase, since I'm off to Bangladesh on Sunday and my last one spontaneously exploded in the street the other day (AND gashed my finger, to add injury to insult). I ended up clambering around Central Chitlom and the Skytrain with a suitcase, an ironing board, an iron, and several other bits and pieces. It was rush hour too. Mind you my wallet was demonstrably lighter on the way home.

Then a bloke on the Hotel tuk tuk, which thankfully turned up just as I was contemplating the 1km walk from skytrain to apartment, made a quip which I think he regretted. He'd complimented me on my rather handsome and stylish ironing board, so I began to read out the jokey message printed into the denim-look cover. It says something like "An iron is a device you rub on clothes to remove creases" - anyway his reply was "It should be in Thai because I'm sure YOU won't be the one using it!" Well having had a stressful time on the train I was in no mood for "sexpat" insinuations, so I said "Oh I'll be the one using it alright" in a rather high-and-mighty, don't-you-know-who-I-am kind of way. He immediately muttered an apology and a "Got that wrong", and was exceedingly nice to me for the rest of the ride, and made sure he held the lift for me when we got to Lake Green. Actually I wasn't really offended but there you go.

Sandy came to visit last night. We had a good old chinwag and some beer. He stayed over at my place. Here's us drunkenly playing drums - oy, the neighbours...

My word, the look of happiness on my ugly mush. Give me six beers and I'm anybody's.

Don't know if I'll be able to blog from Bangladesh, don't suppose you care. Later taters.

Travelling

..isn't what it's cracked up to be. I'm in Abu Dhabi again, same old same old. I'm waiting at the gate. One guy's asleep next to me, meaning I'm paranoid about making any noise. Meanwhile there are four midle-aged northerners sat opposite me, complaining more thatn I do, and quite loudly. Bloke's still snoring so far, but the key in my back is turning.

On the flight from Manchester there was a young man (about 4 yrs) with that special mix of anger, volume and, above all, stamina, that can make a flight so miserable for 20 or 30 people in nearby seats that driving all the way here in a milk float seems like an attractive proposition. His mother also made the mistake of trying to cover his mouth to save herself from the disapproving glances. That was it, in the eyes of the know-all mothers looking on, she wasn't up to the job.

Ah well, the latte isn't bad, the wireless is free and I have ... 21 minutes of battery life left. Oh bugger, better check my email and sod off. Be good.

Back to Work

Just had a message from my boss in Bangkok. He wants me to do some work on a system design. Curses, now I have work to do. Also I have to go back to BKK next week. I should be pleased, but I was getting used to the rain and the cold.

Never mind, grin and bank it eh?

In other news, I just had a drumming lesson which went well. Teach (Michael - hello Mike) was most impressed with my progress since going to Thailand.

Home alone today and I should do some housework. Oh well, here goes..

New Windows

Just went out the back door to check the new windows we've had fitted, and was once again struck by the tall-and-thin nature of the house. Evidence:

Smasher, init?

In other news, we're still awaiting the future. We've been assured it will arrive, but advised to stay firmly in the present, with fond recollections of the past.

Be good.

Abu Dhabi

Trditional whinge from the transit lounge. Nothing to say, tired, grumpy. There, it's done.

Six thousandth hit!

Posting and checking this blog entry will be the 6000th hit. Not bad for a pipe-bender from Tuebrook eh? Yes I know, it's pathetic really. Still, anything to cheer us up at the moment.

I found myself with a whole day of lounging about before my flight, so I braved the heat and trundled over to Lumphini park. Got some film of a woman doing Tai Chi with a gigantic chrome sword...
Bizarre eh?
Also took this self-portrait, as soon as I got to the park. I look very stressed here. Could be due to yesterday's news, could be because I hate being so hot and sweaty. I really should work in a cool place.
I sat and read my kindle for a while, cooled off a bit, but then became unreasonably angry at the flies that kept crawling on my greasy skin. Here when you sweat it doesn't evaporate, just stays on your skin like you've been basted with a particularly salty brand of olive oil. Anyway I walked the park for a while and then went home to my lovely AC unit. Here's an arty farty panorama of Lumphini..

Bombshell

I was taken into the office today and told that the company is laying everyone off for ten days while our clients make some important financial decisions. Depending on which way those decisions go, I could be out of work by the end of November.

While I'm waiting for the axe to fall, I decided I'd rather be home than in Bangkok, so I'm booked on tomorrow's flight to blighty. Home for eight days, then see what transpires.

Be good, and watch this blog for more developments...

Pasta

Is this enough?

I just ate about 5% of it, and my belly is as swollen as a scouse Hewlett Packard worker's purse. Look it up. By the way, those are carrots, not sausages, and they were a mistake. Tasted bloody awful. I'm no chef, that's for sure.

Later taters

:(

She's gone home. I'm distraught. 40 days till I fly home. How can I make it pass quickly? By making each day identical, tick tick tick, marking time until life begins again. Depressing, init.

In other news, I returned to my gym today for the first time after moaning to the staff about the rowing machines never working. They work now, but the bikes don't, so I cancelled my membership on the way out. Bart tells me his gym, which is one stop further on the skytrain, has machines that aren't broken, no loud music, and a pool to cool off in. Costs a bit more but I believe I'll give it a go.

In other news, Lyn brought my Kindle with her, and I love it...

I've already downloaded and read one book - Margaret Atwood's "The Year Of The Flood". Reading with the Kindle is very easy, it's readable in bright sunshine (Yes we have that here) and also low light levels. Just like a real book in fact. However, with thick books you have to hold the spine open or you lose your page. This you don't even have to hold, just press the button for the next page. I swear I licked my finger to do that yesterday, bloody hilarious, and it won't be the last time.

We (wifey and me) went mooching around Chatuchak market the other day, and found an excellent section devoted to artists and their work. Lots of striking work and arty people sitiing around discussing it. The gallery was runnig an exhibition of several artists' versions of the Mona Lisa. There were about 50 in several rooms, quite bizarre. Here's Lyn getting amongst he mona's..

I'm off now. Try this while you're here....Kurt Vile - Blackberry Song

Be good.

Nuther vid

Just so's you know, another ground-breaking video masterpiece is brewing. I'm in the planning phase - sellotape and lazzy bands everywhere. Intrigued? Good.

Fit? I nearly threw one.

Tonight I went to the gym to do some rowing and some cycling. It was a disappointing trip. Of the three rowing machines, number 1 has never had any resistance since I joined, and now numbers 2 and 3 register no actual information when you row. I moved on to the cycling machines, whereupon I tried three machines before I found one that worked, i.e. the display and the buttons for setting times etc worked. Knowing how things go in Thailand, I can predict that due to my strenuous complaints:

1. The "Technician" will visit and report that all is fine, but in fact nothing will have changed.
2. Nothing else will happen.

I find this aspect of Thailand very difficult. It's one of the best and most expensive Gyms in Bangkok, but the machines are breaking one by one and nothing gets fixed. I think I'll leave. There I said it.

Flee Dink! Flee Foo!

Just walked past the bar/restaurant near the end of my street, which was called Rojo's when I moved in, changed to SPQR for a while, and is now Monsoon, and they offered to feed and water me for nothing. New bar furniture and a new outside bar being unveiled, apparently. It's a place I never go to unless Lyn's here, so I settled for stopping for a chat and making excuses. It's owned and run by a very nice Thai lady, and either her or one of the waitresses always gives me a cheery wave every time I walk by.

Makes me feel like I live here somehow.

Is that good or bad? Who knows.

Be good.

Music, anyone?

I have now grokked the fullness of streaming music on my blog, so you'll all be able to hear what I'm on about if, for instance, I say something like "I had the disappointing experience of buying an album on the strength of a promising track I heard on the radio, only to find that the album was not to my taste. I won't name the album but here's the track I liked..." Yacht - The Afterlife

I do hope that worked, or you'll be looking at the screen in some confusion now. If it did, then do yourself a favour and check out the two similar buttons towards the end of my last post. You'll thank me, honestly.

Thoughts

While I wait for wifey to find my short story - which by the way is probably going to disappoint everyone - I'll fill the pregnant pause with some thoughts.

I'm thinking that some charity work would be a good direction to go in, once I get off this gravy train and go back to blighty. Anyone else interested in some kind of sponsored event? A walk? A bike ride? I'm not volunteering to organise anything but there must be loads going on in the UK that you can join in with. Must look into it.

My new "Kindle" e-reader has now arrived at home, and Lyn has the moral dilemma of whether to bring it here next week or to make me wait for Christmas. No idea what she'll do. Amazon have now done deals with phone companies in 100 countries including the UK, so their "Whispernet" technology will work. That means if I'm in one of those countries I can download any book from their library onto my Kindle in 60 seconds, and all I pay for is the book, at less than stock price. Pretty cool in my opinion. It will hold 1500 books in memory as well. The network doesn't exist in Thailand but I can still use my Amazon account online and transfer to the Kindle via USB.

Rainy season still hasn't properly ended here yet, despite me announcing its demise several times. Rumour has it that the end of the month will be the last of it. I'm a bit tired of getting wet shoes on the way to work, and also I'll welcome the slightly cooler temperatures of the winter months (26-30 until next March). My electricity bills will fall as well. Meanwhile quite a few electrical storms have gone over during the last few nights and I've even had to close the curtains to get some sleep. Normally I like the soft light of the city but bright flashes are a bit distracting when I'm trying to have nice dreams.

Conversation with a Thai person:

Me: What's Thai for a hundred?
Thai: Loi
Me: How do you spell that?
Thai: R-O-I
Me: But that spells Roi
Thai: Yes that's it.
Me: But you said Loi
Thai: Yes
Me: That's L-O-I
Thai: No, R-O-I
Me: No, that's Roi
Thai: Yes that's it.
Me: But...

And on, and on, and on...

One of our main Thai engineers, Nin, is absent this week - he's being a monk. Seriously, young Thai people, whether optionally or mandatorily (bad word) sometimes go off to a Buddhist temple and take care not to kill anything for ten days or so. I wonder if he'll be a changed man when he returns? Maybe he'll do some wicked kung fu or something. Maybe I've seen to many movies. If he comes back with a shaved head and wearing orange robes it will be funny.

I haven't seen much in the way of devout Buddhism here - they all eat meat for a start. Mind you, they have a fairly pragmatic approach to most things, even the law. If the police are out stopping people for traffic offences, fair enough they catch a few. Next day, same bobby on a different duty, you can ride past him on a one-way street at 420kph with no hat on, sitting side-saddle with three 18-month-olds hanging onto the pillion seat and he'll give you a cheery wave. Bizarre. This goes right through all walks of life. If there's a way to do something, no matter what rule it breaks, why wouldn't you do it? We westerners stare aghast and splutter about "rules being rules", but it just confuses them. Culture shock. In our canteen area at work there's a dart board on the wall. Someone pointed out that the place where you would stand to throw the darts is not visible as you walk past the board. Potential dart-in-lug-hole disaster, so a notice was put on the board "Out of service", until such time as they find a more suitable location. Anyway a week later the board is still there, and the Thais regularly take down the notice, have a few games, and replace the notice when finished. Seems odd to us, and to safety-conscious type it would be scary, but you'd be met with blank stares and incomprehension if you complained about it.

Let's see now, what else can I blather on about? Ah, music. I've bought several new albums this week and I can tell you the following:

The album "Checkmate Savage" by a Scottish band called "The Phantom Band" is well worth a listen. "Thorwing Bones", the obvious single, is a proper classic driving track. Phantom band - Throwing Bones
Just as Scottish are the band "Money Can't Buy Music", who have an album called "The Universe for Beginners" which I'm currently listening to with some pleasure. I've never heard Keppler's laws in a song lyric before. Here's my fave track... MCBM - beautifulgirlssunnyledges (That's how it's written on the sleeve, honestly)
Um, what else? I just bought some French Gypsy music but I'll give that a good listen before recommending it here. Also an American folk singer called Alela Diane caught my ear this week, news on that to follow. I'm currently trying to work out how to assail you with different music each time you log in, but it's beyond me at present.

Be good.

Cream Crackered

Had a game of squash with my new mate Terry today. Excellent, despite breaking a racket (NOT in anger, honestly). He also brought along an Australian lady called Belinda, who gave me a right old tonking. Mind you, I was already tired from playing Terry, and I was using a borrowed racket....Anyway, the upshot is (see what I did there?) I'm fairly pooped. I can imagine the scene as I try to escape the gravity well of my bed tomorrow morning, with a back that's about as supple as an angle poise lamp.

Terry's dog, "Jet". very cute.

In other (sligtly belated) news, I now have six made-to-measure shirts and one pair of trousers. Absolutely useless to me but they look smart. (That last word should be given with the full scouse treatment to match what was in my head when I typed it). Spare a thought for poor old Bart, who made a similar order, but after six visits for refits, had to settle for three shirts, since they had made the others too small and had run out of meterial. I was there when he suggested they take them in "a bit", and they did pin them while he was wearing them, but somehow between then and fitting they got two inches smaller across the chest. He looked like he was trying to fit into his younger brother's shirt.

I wrote a short story once, many years ago - in fact it was in the year I got married, 2002. Anyway regardless of its vintage, I was considering putting it on here. Since there are enough of you visiting each day to represent an audience, I thought I'd give you all the choice. Post or not post?  Please let me know your thoughts. The other thing I have to do is find the word document, which might be tricky since seven years represents quite a few clearouts from my hard drive. Certainly it's not on this PC, but I'm hoping (if you vote to post, of course) that wifey will find it on my PC at home.

Currently I'm sat watching Lyn work. Interesting take on the artistic process. To the layman it seems very much like the engineering process - flurries of activity followed by long periods of staring at the monstrous creation as it evolves. Mostly she's out of shot, since the camera faces her desk chair, obviously. However she seems to return to the chair for her periods of cogitation. I can hear her moving around, also the clinking of paint brushes. Really quite exciting, waiting to see what she'll produce. I wonder if it's the same for her when I'm working? Nah, didn't think so.

I ate this. Yumbalicious.

Be good.

I Hate Bad Science

Read this article, then come back here for a good old rant.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8307024.stm

Have you read it? Right, here's what I hate about it: It's total bollocks.

"Scientists" have hit upon a statistic that there's less illness in greener areas. Naturally, being bad scientists, they reverse cause and effect, and conclude that the trees are beneficial to general health. Hey presto, we have a dangerously wrong conclusion which, when endorsed by the good old BBC, will have all the ill people (and their carers) moving to the nearest rural area. This will, of course, dilute the statistic and make the scientists think again, but by then it'll be too late and there will be lots of people wondering why they feel no better than before.

Here's an alternative theory: people with habits (or occupations) that cause illness tend to live in urban areas.

This could be by choice:

-They have access to whatever drugs made them ill.
-Health care is better in urban areas - hospitals, social workers.

Or by circumstance:

-Thier parents (often abusive) live there.
-They work there.

The above article is chock-full of stats, all very impressive, and all open to misinterpretation if you do as these people do and use the numbers to prove an existing theory. I ask you, how desperate would you have to be to put this sort of spin on your results?

Here's an example:

The researchers also showed that this relation was strongest for children younger than 12.


They were 21% less likely to suffer from depression in the greener areas.

How about this: their parents, a much more likely cause of their depression, prefer urban life, because that's where they were brought up themselves. Nothing to do with the damned trees, Mr PhD.

I'm off.

Dreamboat

I have a new love in my life, and her name is Terry Watkins.

Tonight's squash game couldn't have been better. I feel like I've been dragged through a hedge and kicked back over by an angry cow. Mind you, they do say if you feel better for a game of squash, you haven't played it right.

Terry is either slightly better or not quite as good as me, depending if you take the first or second game as evidence. The third game ended half way through because he's not as fit as me. All in all it's by far the best game I've had since leaving the UK. And even better, he plays guitar and wants to start a band. I'm so excited I could paradiddle on the spot. I have another game lined up for saturday afternoon, followed by dinner with him and his missus - get me, the big socialite.

In other news,  it's three weeks today till wifey sets out for these shores. Things are looking up.

I have a fitting session tomorrow for my five shirts and one trouser, news of that event to appear on this very blog.

Be good.

Shirtiness

Got my made-to-measure shirt...

(yes yes I know, not the right trousers)

..And I'm impressed enough to order five more, plus some kecks. Well, they are cheap.

Positive comments only please, and remember the male ego is very fragile.

Be good.

Ratings

If you're one of the ten people who've logged in during the last 24 hours (indeed if you're one person who's logged on ten times {you sad git}) then thanks.

Lucy, I'm going to try to be less grumpy in future. The problem is, I actually enjoy noticing people's idiosyncracies. In short, it's fun being grumpy. However if you want me to be full of sunshine and smiles (which will make me as miserable as sin) then so be it.

Things are looking up at work - I even have hopes of being sent offshore next January to help with commissioning. There's also the Bangladesh job at some point in the future (yes, that one). All in all, if I keep my nose clean I think I can stay employed at least until the UK job scene picks up a bit. By all the signs, or at least the ones I can see, that won't be too far off. Actually I just got my multiple-entry Visa sorted out for the next twelve months.

A few people have mentioned coming over to Bangkok for a break, which is great - I get to be the local expert and show them the city. I can help them avoid the pitfalls (careful with tuk-tuks, most of the girls are boys, etc etc) and also suggest the best places to go and see. I might even find out a bit (more) about the city myself, since I'm really poor at sightseeing. Having someone here who's actually interested in stuff will help a lot.

While we're on sightseeing, I took a trip to the Baiyoke Tower the other evening, for a meal with the Thai engineers from the office. It's the tallest building in Thailand and it has a revolving viewing platform on the 84th floor. It also has a nice international restaurant on the 78th floor, which is why we went. Lots of interesting food, and the deal is "All you can eat" for 470 baht - about a tenner. I really must take wifey there when she comes over next time, she'd love it. The views over Bangkok are great, although I found the revolving platform, which is open-air, a little unnerving. It rumbles and creaks a bit, and also for some (typically bizarre) reason the Thai builders have installed a PA system which plays out birdsong constantly while you're taking in the views. If I was grumpy I'd point out that this is unnecessary and rather irritating, but I'm happy and sunny so I'll pretend I loved it.

While we're on unnecessary, I went with a few of the guys to a tailor on Sukhumvit Road for a fitted shirt. I've never had anything made to measure and here it's quite cheap, so why not eh? Anyway I just ordered one for now, and if it's good, I'll get some more. The shirt will be ready for fitting tomorrow and I'll report back, possibly with photographs. Depends how bad I look. Some of the materials were a little Pyjama-ish. Yes yes not a real word. I chose a nice safe white colour with a dark blue pinstripe. I also avoided some of the more flamboyant style choices - double cufffs, silly wing collars etc. Unfortunately this particular tailor seems to concentrate on business type shirts so the choice of materials wasn't great. Next time I'll go to one with psychedelic flower materials. That'll please the missus.

I mentioned the new visa - thereby hangs a tale. I knew that today the agency I work for would send someone to the visa office to do all the form-filling and wait in all the queues for me. Gosh, I'm so pampered. Anyway, I completely forgot about it and left my current work permit and passport in the apartment. No problem, while the lady waited in the queue, our driver (Khun "A") could nip back to my apartment, get the docs off the table and be back withing an hour. I handed over my keys, and some instructions (passport is red, work permit is blue, both are on the table as you walk in) and went back to work, secure in the knowledge that my affairs were being sorted out for me with minimal effort on my part. An hour later, Khun "A" was back with..... my passport and my offshore safety booklet. Now, granted, the safety booklet is blue and it was on the table, but so was the bloody work permit. He must have shoved the right item aside to get to the wrong item, for heaven's sake. I resolved to smile through the pain, and respectfully suggest he make another round trip. This he did, and got it right second time. Meanwhile Khun Kay, the lady in the queue, was practically hairless at the delay. The office for visas hapens to be in our building - hurrah! But it's in tower 2 while we're in tower 1 - booo! I only had to go down to the lobby, walk across the plaza, and take the lift to the 16th floor - hurrah! But I went to the 15th and got completely lost - boooo! I eventually arrived in the right place with all requisite docs, only half a day late.

While we're on (or in) the lobby, I've got into the habit of buying coffee from the rather swish cafe in ours. Silly really, when I could just walk outside to any one of half a dozen street sellers and get more for less. Note to self - be adventurous with coffe purchases henceforward. Reply to self - but it's so hot outside, and the nice lady smiles at me and knows my order (simper). Note to self - don't be fooled, she knows you're a mug who'll pay double the going rate.

Going now. I'll blog the result of my game on wednesday, which as mentioned I'm quite chuffed about.

Be good

Signs

Couple of photos for you:

Loved the English, hated the closure.

 

My cosy corner at work - I hope you can read the sign. I got tired of interruptions so resorted to grumpiness. Well I am old after all.

To all Thai phone-users: either don't answer while you're walking, or learn to walk in a straight line whilst talking. A reasonable pace would also be welcome. I've now taken to shouting "OI!" exremely loudly when they meander into my path, and if ignored, barging past with a "Tut!" and a shake of the head. Very grumpy behaviour. The scary thing is, they do it while driving as well. If their sense of direction when walking is anything to go by, the accident rate can only go up. I give them plenty of room when I'm on the bike, that's for sure. Maybe I should get a loud exhaust like Bart's, for extra road-presence. Just in the name of safety, you understand...

In other news, today was the coolest day since last February, and I loved it. I walked the length of Soi 8 without breaking into a sweat. Actually that's a lie - I was picked up by our tuk-tuk half way along. The place will be much more comfortable between now and March, so if anyone's thinking of a trip....

In other news, I have a game lined up with someone who (I'm reliably informed) can play squash properly. This is big news, enormous news, stupendous news. I hope he lives up to expectations. I've been playing weekly with two of the chaps from work but I really miss being regularly played off court for Glossop Squash second team. Ahh, those were the days. I recently got the team sheets for this season's first game sent to me via email - pangs of homesickness set in straight away - and It's the same guys playing, 15 months after I left. Funny how you expect everything to have changed when you've been abroad a while, and somehow disappointing when you discover it hasn't. I've no doubt I'll get the usual "Oh, have you been away?" when I finally get back there.

Off to bed now - I've been to the gym and have to be up early for another day of fending off interruptions.

Be good.

Choice? Nah.

On my way home from the gym tonight, I realised I had exactly 31 baht in my pocket, and that there's nothing to eat at home. My favourite street stall does a mean chicken & rice with hot sauce for 30 - result!. Then the heavens opened. Here when it rains I swear you could drown standing up. It's a one kilometre walk from the train to my apartment and there's no cover. I was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. Bugger. This left me with a choice - get my dinner from the stall, or buy a brolly from one of the many street sellers who spring up from nowhere when it rains. Brolly/dinner/brolly/dinner....hmm, well, you can't eat towels can you?

Night night.

Just for Odette

To Odette:

Oi, Miss Jogger's nipples. There's a midnight run in a couple of weeks on one of the main streets in Bangkok. It's 6k on a flat course, with a police escort. No doubt they'll extort 300 Baht from all the expats for running in the wrong lane, ho ho. Do you think I should have a go? I just did 5k in the gym no problem, mostly uphill. Might give it a go. There's a 12k event too but that's for serious types with more vaseline than sense.

Did you buy a horse by the way?

Be good.

Settle down

I'm still here!

The job has settled down a bit - nobody fired this week. I have clear deadlines and a lot to do, and I've managed to get a week's holiday for when Lyn comes over in late October. We'll probably go back to Saigon, same hotel - loved it.

Since I've been riding the bike to work, I've been going between lanes of traffic fairly constantly - after all, that's the point. I get to work early, the air-conditioned-BMW-chelsea-tractor-radio-2-don't-you-scratch-my-pride-and-joy brigade can only watch as the hours tick by. However, occasionally whilst passing between juggernauts I've wondered what it would feel like to be run over. Well....early the other morning (too early it seems), I misjudged one particular gap between two cars and had to stop, since my left hand clouted one car's wing mirror hard enough to fold it back, and my right hand was fairly close to the other. I braked and put my feet down (I'd only been doing 5mph). Immediately the traffic started moving and I discovered that I'd put my right foot in the path of a tyre. Bump-bump and it was all over. I'd officially beed run over. I can report that it hurts not at all. Hardly a scuff on my new shoes. However I won't be repeating the experiment, having recalibrated my clearances somewhat.

(Bangkok people-carrier - you can see some gap-work happening in my rear view mirror)

Most of the local riders fold their own mirrors in to give them more room for manoeuver, but that just means you can't see behind you. Ah well.

Who want to see something gross? I was on the static bike at the gym the other day and I noticed some people looking at me strangely. It was only then that I realised my attempts to get through the 800-calorie barrier had elicited a little too much perspiration:


For those of you still reading, I can happily report that I burned 813 calories that visit - a feat I defy anyone to better, since I went home feeling that, rather than training, I'd actually competed in some ridiculous endurance event - which of course I had. I now restrict myself to 500 calories per visit. Gosh, I sound like an inverted diet-addict.

Better go. Be good.

Did that really happen?

I refer, of course, to today's stand-out news item, in which the Bulgarian national lottery numbers were identical for two weeks running(Odds 4.6 million to one). Strangely, after nobody winning the first week, 18 people were "incredibly lucky" on week 2. Warms the cockles of your heart dunnit. You have to admire that kind of barefaced cheek. So blatant, it amounts to honesty. "I'm stealing a few million here, watch out!"

Be good, and if you can't, cheat.

Abnormal Service

..has been resumed.

Nearly wasn't though, and in fact I nearly wasn't here to tell you it nearly wasn't.

Sat watching telly last night, having left the puter turned on and skype connected in case wifey said anyhting interesting, when I noticed a burning plastic smell. On investigation I noticed that the power supply for this laptop, which is(was) a noddy Chinese one which I bought on Ebay after leaving the original one on a rig in Invergordon,...where was I? Ah, verb required....was smoking gently and not doing a very good job of powering said puter. I alerted Lyn, who was suddenly less interested in Facebook and convinced my apartment was about to burn down. Quick thinking saved the day and a disaster was averted by me throwing the offending item in a sink full of water. Yes I remembered to unplug it. That left me with about ten seconds of battery life to calm her nerves and log off. This morning I waddled down to Fortune Plaza and bought a noddy Thai one, obviously of higher quality than the Chinese jobby. So here I am with two phones full of photos, three weeks of shenanigans to relate, and a laptop that no longer makes my speakers buzz. Quite honestly I'd rather just listen to music but then the blogs pile up and I feel even more guilty. So here goes..

(Note: don't feel obliged to read this, it's really just my diary and I'll return to it in years to come. Might even show my grandkids.)

(Note: however, if you find it amusing, interesting or even annoying, please tell your mates, and comment at will.)

(Note: enough with the notes, get on with it.)

Now, my last blog of any note(sic) was a rant about bribing Policemen on 17 August. Sheesh, that's a long time ago. A lot has happened in the meantime. I've been home, come back, been to Vietnam and come back. Also work has changed drastically.

Home:
the journey was THIS dull..

On arrival, we went straight to see Colin and had a coffee.
Jeez, I love this photo. Lyn expounds on some theme or other, Colin looks on and wonders what she's blathering on about.

It also transpired that my "Inlaws" (hate that word) were staying on a campsite in Strines for the weekend. Yes they are gypsies. That meant extra pressure on Lyn to have the house ready for visitors, which we had a-plenty for the weekend. The party at my house went very well. About 25 people came and so much happened that it's difficult to do it justice at this distance. What I need is a phone camera that works indoors without a flash. That would give me lots of aides de mémoire, and probably a reputation for taking too many bloody photographs. Anyway, I remember meeting Suzie's bloke Steve - capital fellow, must meet up again, but first I better get some rugby knowledge. I also remember some very good food, which disappeared too fast for me to taste. There was music - both recorded, via my new swanky wireless system, and live via three bodhrans, two unused guitars and a wooden frog. There was twister, played in a modern, PC style with clothes on. Alex was there, ask her. In fact, here's evidence:

Suzie, Lyn, Phil's arse, Sandy and Lucy get all tangled up.Needless to say it all ended horribly.

Lots of people stayed over, in fact the house hasn't been that full since we moved in. No idea who they all were, but nothing went missing, which is a bonus.

Kendal:

Next on the social agenda was a trip to Kendal with Martin & Lucy for Maureen's 30th Birthday party. What a wonderful trip all round. It was Mintfest or some such silliness, and there were loads of street performers, including a guy playing a piano, while similtaneoulsy pedalling it sideways up the main street. I kid you not. Here it is from the back, with his assistant riding a miniature penny farthing in circles while singing folk songs:

Just re-watched that, and must apologise for the sound quality. Damned phone.

That night we went to a cool party and got to meet Maureen's mates. They are a very interesting bunch but unfortunately we'd been to t'pub beforehand and got involved in some alcohol-induced silliness..

..which meant that I only made sense for the first couple of hours of the party. Then the red wine which Maureen graciously provided, kicked in. Most embarrassing, you wait your whole life to be in a party like that, then blow the chance to enjoy it. Mind you, wifey definitely made an impression in her made-to-measure dress from Thailand..
Awful picture but you get the idea - she was stunning.

Bangkok:

Next day we flew back to Thailand with Suzie. Loads of fun taking her to see the local attractions, including the previosly mentioned Nana plaza. This time Grant and John came along, and soon John was involved in a badly-judged game of strip-connect4, which of course he lost and ended up down to his boxers. Here's John with his adversary:
Her name was Sam and she assured me she never loses at connect4. She was also at pains to show us all pictures of her (admittedly very firm) bum, wich she has on her phone. Bizarre. We escaped relatively unharmed.
On special in the local bar:
Saigon:

Soon it was time to get on another plane and head for South Vietnam. I don't have many pics of that weekend in Ho Chi Minh City, since my phone was flat. I did have my spare phone with me and I did take some snaps, but getting them onto the laptop will take some manoeuvering so they will have to appear in a later blog. Suffice to say we visited the famous Cu Chi tunnels and a couple of historic sites, which were very sobering to say the least. Yes I know it's all anti-American propaganda since Vietnam is now a unified communist state, but still, the brutality that humans can inflict on other humans is astonishing, and here it is mercilessly portrayed in photos and memorabilia.

At Cu Chi we were taken on a tour of the area, which is now returning to its original jungle status after being extensively napalmed during the war. Part of the tour is a chance to shoot guns, which horrifies me, but Suzie and Bart had a go. Apparently in Cambodia they let you shoot a bazooka at a cow if you pay them enough, but here it's much better regulated and the guns are bolted down for safety. Suzie lasted about three shots. The rest of us stayed well away, but at the first shot, which was very loud, Lyn burst into tears. Very endearing and a chance for yours truly to be the shoulder to cry on. Rrrrresult!

The actual tunnels have been widened for tourists. They were originally built to be used only by the locals who are extremely small and slim. For once they had an advantage over the larger Americans, and the French who preceded them. We went through a section of tunnel but when they got really small and dark most people took advantage of the escape routes back to the surface. I wanted to try the really narrow crawling bit but wifey had had enough so we exited.

I must say, Saigon is a great place to visit. Gosh, those guys can make coffee. Our hotel (The Majestic) was an old one and very ornate. It had an open air restaurant on the roof, and a lovely pool on the ground floor where we spent some time relaxing, eating, drinking, swimming and playing pool in the poolside bar, if you get my drift. The whole weekend went by in a flash and I can't say enough about the company we had. Six people, some of which had only met in the airport, all got along fantastically. Thanks to you all if you're reading.

Return to Work:

I went back to work a day late, so missed the arrival of the new guys from Perth, come to save the project. Anyway, it took them until Tuesday to begin firing people so I didn't really miss much. I've survived the pogrom, albeit much diminished in stature since the guy who hired me was fired and my mentor Peter has been put on reduced hours. I think I will be ok until th end of the year but beyond that I just don't know. watch this space. Doubtless I'll blog more about this subject in future weeks.