New Profile Pic

Liked this photo. It shows the relaxed state I've settled into since resuming daily life in Bangkok.



More sensible words will appear in this vicinity over the weekend.

Fat thumbs

Sorry I meant Gideon.

Barack who?

Well now let's see. It's ten days since I last wrote anything on here so I must have an immense backlog of amusing anecdotes right? Wrong. But here's what I've got, in no particular order:

A passport disaster; a passport near-disaster; more of the usual pie-in-the-sky plans; an excuse; a complaint; sundry news items; a chance meeting; another complaint; a compliment.

I'm now back in Bangkok after my working holiday at home, and on the whole it was a successful trip. Progress was made on the work front - I now have a large chunk of the extra work completed so my Platform trip is back on the cards. Since Lyn was in Uni every day I was better off working anyway. I'd only have spent the week watching telly on the couch, drinking Gin and eating chocolates.

While we're on trips, I was wandering through Dubai International Airport on my way back to BKK, looking for a toilet without a queue of 30 blokes looking tense and clenching their multicultural cheeks together, when I noticed some people I know. It was none other than Heather and Charlie, parents of my mate John's missus Hilary. I took some photo's so Hil, if you're reading, here's me with your folks and their mates (names forgotten but might be Sheila and Brian?? Apologise if that's wrong when you see them) in transit to Australia for some back-packing:

In case you're wondering, I eventually did find a queue-less bog. I ask you, that airport is a major hub with hundreds, thousands, millions of people passing through every day, and there must be a grand total of six traps in the whole place. Which halfwit designed that? I exaggerate of course.

I've nearly completed the previously mentioned pop video of my trip home from the office. If I finish this epic early enough I'll work on it tonight.

I'm listening to 6music as I write, as usual, but this time I'm listening live. That means I have Nemone and her endless twaddle between tunes. I love the music she plays so it's not too bad. They can't all be Gedeon Coe.

Since the music informs/inspires what I write, I should put names of tracks into my blog entries, maybe in blue text, to give a better flavour to the prose. What you think? Here's an example:

Paris is Burning by Ladyhawke

I forgot to relate one particular story about our last day on the platform. The more I think about this story the more I realise how lucky I am. When we finally got the call to go back to the helipad, things got a bit hectic. I was racing up the stairs with my bags when I passed a Thai cleaner on his way down. He let me get a few steps past then called me back, looked closely at me, and then handed me my passport.....! It seems it had dropped out of my pocket in the cabin when I got dressed that morning. That means I did not have it with me the first and second times we went to the helipad so I came as close as I possibly could to leaving without it and jeopardising my subsequent trip to the UK. What a muppet, and what a lucky muppet at that.

While we're on passports, I was packing to come back to Thailand on Saturday and realised I didn't have my passport to hand. At that moment wifey appears with one of her sternest expressions(SO cute) and hands me the soggy remains of said item, fresh from my newly washed shirt pocket. Riffling through the pristine layers of papier mache, I realised that my lovely multiple entry 12-month Visa was no more. Just a couple of splotches of blue ink remained. I took a chance and travelled anyway, worrying all the way here about being sent back on the next flight. Sure enough, on handing the still-soggy item over at immigration I was treated to wails of "Cannot, sir" and whisked off to a side room. However, and before they got a chance to snap on the rubber gloves, I pointed out that I have an address in Bangkok and I'm not a sex-tourist (sexpat, as they are known) so they let me in on the understanding that I get a new passport and visa while I'm here. I've been to the Embassy today and paid the exorbitant fee, so let's hope I have a nice new (dry, flat) passport before I have to go back to the platform, otherwise they wont let me on t'chopper.

Over the Hill by Alessi's Ark

What else can I tell you? Hmm, let's see. Oh yes, the complaint. Can anyone tell me why I suffer so much with trapped wind on long flights? I kid you not, every time I exit the thunderbox these days I'm greeted with amused/surprised/disgusted faces from everyone within three rows, all of them wondering how I managed to smuggle such a loud kazoo-based PA system onto the flight, and where I've concealed it about my person.

I reckon it's those white bread rolls that do it.

Release the Pressure - Leftfield (topical, guffaw.)

While we're on excuses, the regulars will have read my promise on this here blog to buy the beer last Friday with some delight, and as it happens a lot of my friends turned up at the allotted pub at the allotted hour. All that was missing was me. I got an irate text the next day from Martin when I finally emerged, tired but elated, from the marital bed. You know how it is when you have a gorgeous ginger-headed woman at home and you haven't seen a western woman for seven weeks...sorry folks, no contest, but I do regret breaking my promise. I'll try to make it up next trip home. No promises though.

That's enough for this time. Be good. Watch out for my pop video.

Dubai

I'm here for a couple of hours and I have my own laptop, so might as well spend my time talking to you lot. Usually I'm standing at an airport PC frantically swiping my credit card every time it beeps.

Nice airport, I've been here once before in 2003 but all I remember is the wall of heat that hit me as I exited the terminal building, and being a lather of sweat before I covered the ten metres to the blessed sanctuary of a taxi. And this was at midnight. Luckily this time I don't have to go outside.

Emirates is a good airline - I hear from their in-flight channel that they are gradually fitting their planes with "Aeromobile", a system that allows use of mobile phones in flight. What a coup - all the other airlines are still shaking their heads and trying to enforce the un-enforceable. This flight did not have it fitted and I probably would have made a nuisance of myself anyway, by sending unwanted sms's in the wee hours to my unfortunate friends.

I was surrounded by beautiful young Dutch poeple on the flight from Bangkok. Nice women, but the guys all have terrible B.O., or at least the spotty trilby-clad youth next to me did. Also the Dutch are an unfeasibly tall race, which irks me somewhat. Also teenagers are never still, even when apparently asleep.

Pardon my gushing, but I can't wait to hug my missus. This is no life, spending six weeks out of seven apart, and for what? A degree for Lyn and freedom from debt for me is the unavoidable answer.

I just drank a Starbucks triple strength latte, so feel I must confess this fact to wifey, who hates that organisation with a passion. You're right dear, it was far too milky. I could feel her disapproval as I approached the counter. Must have had a fair amount of caffeine in it though, since I'm far from short of meaningless twaddle to type on here. Bizarrely, coffee actually makes me less productive in work because it stimulates intense conversation. I hope I'm productive at home this trip because deadlines are looming and I have to pass some milestones before my next platform trip.

I've filmed my journey from the office to the train terminal as a memento, since I make the journey every day. Also since I'm currently in love with "you, me, dancing!" by Los Campesinos, I spent the dreadful waiting-to-go period last night splicing a nice pop video together. If the resulting file isn't too large I'll post it on here when it's finished. Obviously the video is very grainy since it was done with my phone, but that aside it looks quite good.

This time Lyn is meeting me at the airport so I don't have to drag myself into two trains, what a relief.

I see from the forecasts that the weather is "warning up" to a toasty 3 degrees. I suppose I should count my blessings (one, two, three) that it's above freezing, but I'm going to suffer since I've been in 34 degrees every day for a while. Lucky I remembered my coat, jumper and scarf or I'd grind to a halt and shatter into a thousand pieces on the way to the car. Actually last time I came home I relished the cool air on my face when I exited the plane, but that was ten degrees and it soon wore thin anyway.

Better go, back is aching so I'll walk around a bit. Still 90 mins to my flight, which is seven hours long. One day I won't have to keep doing this...

More soon.

Messages

In other news, I'll be home soon. It goes without saying that I can't wait... Damn, I said it.

In other news, all hail my missus, who got a distinction and a fantastic response from her lecturers this semester. Well done Lynny.

In other news, the New Mills Festival website has been updated with smart new red pages. Red is the colour for this year, and the theme is "Celebration" since the festival has been running for ten years. Check out the site http://www.newmillsfestival.com/ if you're surfing, and make a mark in your diaries for september when the festival actually happens, especially the final weekend for the lantern parade - no to be missed.

In other news, Lyn and her cronies at Uni are organising a shebang to show off their work. Venue will be Manchester somewhere, to be confirmed. Check out http://www.artfusions.co.uk/ for details. Shameless advertising of my own work. And hers, of course.

In other news, I'm buying this friday. Beehive, New Mills, 7pm until drunk.

Be good.

Debrief - Platform Trip Jan2009

Now that I'm home and comfy, I can mull over (publicly, of course) the trip and note down some high points and, er, low points.

Generally a successful trip, progress was made professionally even if life itself was on hold. God knows how these people live like that.

The bad news: Low Points

• Getting off the chopper knowing we were effectively in prison for 28 days.




• The first Sunday, when we finally received the internet-enabled laptop we'd campaigned for, during the (enforced) room-cleaning exercise I knocked a bottle of water over it. It stopped working for a heart-stopping two hours, finally drying out later in the day after many false dawns. I was apoplectic with stress, shame etc etc.




• Spending 7 hours in one day Skype-chatting with Pete to try to iron out some bugs, with client demo approaching. Not my finest hour - some choice language, spite, pedantry, general prima donna behaviour. Ask Bart, he was there.




• Succession of odd roommates which included, but were not limited to: "Spit Boy", a young man with a habit of hawking, spitting, gargling, gagging loudly in the bathroom at 4am; and "The Beast", a very troll-like chap we first encoutered in the canteen - he was so fierce-looking I actually sat at another table. Sure enough on return to our room there he was, reeking of smoke. Priceless.




• Walking back down the gangway after being bumped from the first to last chopper on the last day. We found out when we took our bags to the helipad. Now that's disappointment.

The good news: High Points

• Seeing real plant data on our screens - back-slaping all round and hysterical emails back to the boys onshore.




• Finally getting on the chopper home after being bumped. See video.




• Spending hours saving the virtual world, playing "Age of Empires" with Bart - whole evenings of potential boredom gone in the blink of an eye.




• Sticking to the fitness program. The gym was well-equipped and empty after 9.30pm every night.




• Some excellent people-watching, mostly at mealtimes. Americans, Thais, some Brits, Australians, all human life was there. Speaking of which:




• Excellent food. This is normal in the oil industry. For me it was a return to youthful days - huge intakes of comfort food, meat, desserts, offset by regular hard sessions in the gym. I lost one pound over the 28 days according to the chopper manifests.

As promised here's the trip I did four times a day for 28 days. I finally found a way to rotate video, so you don't have to get a crick in your neck to enjoy this highly entertaining piece of action footage. My own personal road movie:

Some photos:

Does my bum look big in these?

On the way home at last. You will not find two happier people.

More arty. Well I have to keep the missus intersted.

"All human life was here"

Bart learns software, using music as best protection from my pedantic outbursts. And me constantly taking photos.

Well that about covers it. I'll be home on Friday 13th for a week of making friends. See you in New Mills.

By the way here's a bit of video from the frantic moments when we finally boarded the chopper home. What it does not show: the chopper blades were actually chopping when we boarded, which was very hollywood-ish. Normally they park it for half an hour or so. Also the noise - my phone camera obviously hated it and just plugged its ears.

Be good, see you all soon - can't wait.

Disappointment(s)

10 am - I was booked on the first chopper out today at 0745, but got bumped to the fourth due to payload problems so I'm here moaning about it.

This PC is in the TV room so as I type I have "Good Will Hunting" playing quite loud, overdubbed in Thai. Again I'm struck by the Thai habit, when imitating westerners, of speaking in a comically deep voice. It's asif they see us as barrel-chested father figures or something.

My chopper is at 11.45, and if I get bumped again I'll be on the slow boat. Now that would be a disappointment - I'd hoped to have a nice three-day weekend to recover my land legs and top up my tan ready for coming home next week. Never mind, after spending Sat and Sun by the pool I'll resemble a Danish flag anyway (again - see Koh Samet blog last year). Sorry wifey, you forbad the tan but in this I will defy you - can't come home from Thailand all milky.

I have some video and some photos to post when I get back to my apartment. Real broadband will be fun for a change. I also have a time-lapse sunset from the platform, how romantic.

Loads of web dev this weekend, including wifey's Uni project, details posted here, and I hope you all check out the site when it's done. Compliments only please, and give your support to the struggling artist. I note with some disappointment that nobody saw fit to comment on her lovely work in the previous blog - shame on you, you bunch of Philistines. (She'll be mortified now)

Better go. Be good, see you all soon.

revelations

some stuff i've been doin' at uni to keep myself busy while you are away, 

hello hubby!!!