New Pumps

Ok this one's really only for Martin, the only guy I know who has a real opinion on shoes. Martin, what you think? A bit gay perhaps? I like them but had a few raised eyebrows in the office....

I know Lyn likes them because she was wandering around with me when I bought them.

Klong Trip with Granty

Here is the photo-diary of our day out with Grant in Bangkok, which ended with the now famous trip to Nana Plaza. It seems like it happened months ago, now that I'm sat all alone in the apartment, shuffling bits of paper around and looking forlornly out of the windows....

Anyway, enough of the maudlin mumbling, here's the skinny..

I took 65 pics on the day, but not all of them are worth seeing. We started badly at around midday in the apartment, finishing off last night's Chardonnay. That put us in the mood for a good day's sight-seeing. Now a lot of you will know that "Going to see things" is not my favourite pastime. I much prefer "Going to DO things", but unfortunately society demands we "Go and see" every relic in whatever city we find ourselves in.

So off we went, in lighter mood thanks to the grape. First thing was to get Grant a BTS Skytrain card. The BTS system is built on concrete stilts above the major roads in the city, and enables easy travel without traffic problems. Take note Boris, build one of these and you'll be a hero.

Having got ourselves onto a train, the first problem immediately became obvious - we were going the wrong way. Damn, that wine works fast. I got away with just a withering look from Lyn, which would have been far more withering (and accompanied by some choice words) if Grant hadn't been there to remind her that things like that are, in fact, funny.

Quick as a flash we swapped trains and headed off in the right driection. Soon we arrived at the river, and a short walk got us to the quayside where a good natured thug negotiated a price for one long-tailed boat, two stops, one hour. Having done the deal, he waved imperiously and this rather impressive vehicle hove to...

I love the dirty great truck-engine-on-a-stick on the stern. Must be a guy thing.

I took these two before we got moving. Note wifey's already-glazed expression.

We'd decided to take in just two stops - the Temple of Dawn (Wat Arun - look it up) and the Grand Palace, where the King actually lives. The driver (pilot? captain? - look it up) however, had his own ideas and headed off upriver in the wrong direction. We'd been kidnapped! (Cue picture of Lyn looking startled...)

But no, he was just heading for the klong (canal - look it up) entrance, to take the back ways to the temple. This took us past canal traders, who paddle little barges full of tat up and down the klong, selling what they can to feed their families. The first one that pulled up had lots of plastic toys, hats and elephant statues. We were about to wave her away when I noticed she had a cooler full of Singha. Wahey! 320 baht later (about a fiver - look it up), we were on our way, freshly lubricated and with Grant less worried about a) the angle of lean the boat took on bends, and b) the possibility of catching Cholera from the river water. There followed a pleasant half-hour of swigging, smiling and clicking...

Strange temple-like structure in someone's garden.

Arse end of another boat. Er, hic, don't know why I took this. Going under a road bridge. A river trader - Oi, got any beer? Is this the right way up? The photo, not the bottle. Thai goverment building somewhere on the klong. More pointless photos..

Some beer.

By the way, the local kids actually swim in the klong, much to the amazement of Grant, who refused to wear sandals in Bangkok because it's too dirty...

This thing is huge, and had workers crawling all over it. Totally pointless, and made of concrete. Yes you heard it here first, most of the sights in bangkok are post-war. Actually I just made that up. This pic doesn't do justice to the structure, probably because I was cross-eyed when I took it. Anyway, we finally arrived at out first destination, the pile of concrete and broken crockery known as Wat Arun (look it up - oh you already have). We were happy to regain our land legs, but they didn't seem to be working very well. On the jetty we noticed some bags of fish-food for 10 baht. Lyn had seen some fish hanging around, but when we threw some food in she was nearly sick when a mass of writhing hungry fish came to the surface. Seemingly they hang around waiting for tourists to feed them. Here's evidence of her alarm (note the slightly slurred speech)...




We moved unsteadily on, and soon found ourselves at the aforementioned pile of broken crockery. To put it bluntly, it's blunt. Looks like five dildos stood on end.




I kid you not about the crockery. The outside of the temple (and there is no inside, bizarrely) is decorated with millions of bits of old broken plates etc. Otherwise it would be a rather boring grey concrete colour. I told you I hated looking at stuff. I ask you, what use is a temple you can't even go inside, and for that matter, why are the steps on the outside so steep? Might as well be a ladder. The rather fuller-figured amongst us (Grant) struggled to climb the steps...



And another thing, having huffed and puffed our way up the thing, the view of the river was hardly worth it..



It was time to move on. We stumbled back to the jetty to rejoin das boot. A short razz across the river (the truck-engine-on-a-stick was raised out of the water to avoid the weeds) took us to the Grand Palace jetty, and we waved farewell to the long-tail boat because our plan was to take a while here and make our own way back to the apartment. We immediately passed a nice little bar, which I have to say was a wrench for me. Sight seeing is so much more pleasant when pissed. Anyhoo, soon we arrived at the site of the reclining Buddha, which is next door to the Grand Palace. One imagines the postman getting his numbers mixed up, and the King receiving fan-mail for a 50-metre-long gold statue, while said statue makes fundamental decisions for the nation, such as which obscure relative of Taksin Sinawatra(spelling? Look it up) is next up for Prime Minister.

Some pics of the stunning(ly useless) Reclining Buddha...

Head..
Feet...
Front...
Back...
Bottom..
.. And top. There, done my tourist duty.

The building around this thing is hand-decorated in the most incredibly intricate patterns. Must have taken years. What a waste of time. Sorry I'm being curmudgeonly again.

Having wandered arond for a few minutes we went next door to see the King's gaff, but they told us the Palace closes at 3.30 every day! What a shame. I was delighted. Back to the apartment via a long and arduous Tuk Tuk ride, just so Grant could say he'd tried it. He hated every second of it - too noisy, too smoky and too expensive.

At least we persuaded the driver to go "Dilect", as normally they offer cheap fares in return for stopping at every ramshackle shack full of tat, for which I assume they get some sort of kick-back from the owners. There was no time for that, as we needed to get home, clean up and get ready for our evening out.

On arriving at the apartment we decided to make use of the swimming pool, to cool off. Nice to have that facility, and be able to use it without freezing one's nuts off. In some ways I don't miss the UK.

There aren't actually any pictures of our evening, except the one I already published, but suffice to say we had a marvellous time in Nana Plaza, had a few beers, watched a "Show" in one bar and had a look at some ladyboys in another bar. It all got a bit hazy later on...

I've been writing this for two hours now and I'm now cramped, cold and hungry. Unfortunately my desk is in the full blast from the AC unit and I'm now used to the Thai climate. Heaven help me when I get home in a couple of weeks, I'll be breaking out the winter woollies.

Enough from me. Be well, back soon.

Role on October

As we welcome Lynny home it is not long to go before we welcome Russell back to the UK but in the mean time Russell, a little something for you

A fine photo if I don't say so myself

Lx

Heffin Breathless

Just off out for dinner, can't stop bye. Oh and Happy Birthday Alexandra, mwah mwah.

Coming soon - Nana Plaza

Sorry about your finger Luce. Also Martin's back - not good with a wedding approaching, nudge nudge.

I wish I could go to the sheep dog trials. As recently as 18 months ago I'd have laughed if you told me I was ever going to say that. Derbyshire seems to have seeped into my bones. Please post some photos if you get any, not too many dogs please, just some people I might know, preferably in embarrassing or compromising situations. On which subject....

Had an excellent day and night out with Lynny and Grant yesterday, took 65 photos, not all of which will find their way onto these pages. Our night out included the infamous Nana Plaza, which lived up to its reputation. Huge blog coming soon, but here's a taster..

Soi Cowboy

So there we were in the middle of one of the seediest streets in the seediest country in the seediest continent on the seediest planet in the Galaxy (too many seediests? Yes thought so).

Lyn, after having a good look around, and nodding towards one particularly scantily clad lass, pipes up "how many pairs of those shorts would I have to sew together to cover my arse?".

She was a trooper, very patient while the male members of our company looked arround with "Could-if-I-wanted-to-but-nothing-takes-my-fancy" expressions. Except me of course, I only have eye for Lyn.
The place is really the acceptable side of Bangkok's sex trade, lots of tourists window shopping and, as far as I could see, not partaking of the (in my opinion far too skinny) delights on offer.
For a real slice of the dark side, apparently the place to go is Nana Plaza, and maybe one evening I'll trundle over there for a look.
In other news, the weather has taken a worn for the terse, raining every day quite hard. Yes I know I've said this before but this time it's really bad, like if it keeps on like this I'll soon be taking advantage of the new submarine taxi service to get to work.
In other news, I'm heartily sick of financial news, especially the bad kind. By bad I mean delivered by people who are obviously only too happy to bellow the news at full tilt without drawing breath for minutes at a time. This is usually in a New York accent. (Sorry to all our New York readers)
In other news, Lyn will shortly be setting up an internet shop selling silk purses. Or was it sows ears?. No, definitely purses. She bought about a million of the pesky things from a trader, and we reckon she could turn a serious profit on them if she tried selling them in blighty. Actually she only bought half a dozen, at least three of which are destined for her own handbag collection, the other three being stocking-fillers.
In other news, we found an excellent website which allows us to browse about 50 restaurants in Bangkok, and order food to be delivered within the hour. The interface is quite slick, there are full descriptions of every item and it has a shopping basket/checkout system which allows online payment. We went for Lebanese, and there was an awful lot of Garlic in it, otherwise it was very nice, as is the lovely chilled Chardonnay which came with it, and I'm currently working on my second large glass. Hic.
In other newsh, shomeshing sheems choo have gone wrong with my moush, sho I'm going for a nishe lie down now (hic) night night.

Oh Phuket, let's go away for the weekend

Well, I hear you wonder, what about all those amusing anecdotes from Phuket?

Wonder no longer, here's the whole weekend in snippets.

We met Grant and his two mates John and Darren in the resort. They all happen to be working in Bangkok at present so we took the opportunity for some schmoozing. You never know when you'll need another job..

Lyn telling dirty jokes to John, Grant and Darren.

Actually we'd done no planning at all for the weekend, and arrived at Bangkok airport with no flights reserved and no hotel booked. We'd been assured this was a good idea, and sure enough we were able to get on the next flight without bribing anyone.

Having secured our flight, I called ahead to book the hotel. My choice was 13000 baht for deluxe room or 8000 for a superior room. No prizes for guessing what we went for. However, when we arrived at the Hotel we'd been upgraded anyway, so on this occasion being a tightarse worked out quite well.

The Amari Coral Beach Resort was our choice, and will be again if we go back. It's really good, and the pictures I took don't do it justice at all. Two pools, choice of restaurants on site, cocktail bars dotted around, lovely clean rooms, next to the beach, the list goes on. I can't really think of anything I disliked about the place, and as Lyn will agree that's rare for an old curmudgoen like me.

View From Reception

We arrived at about 10.30 pm, but managed a few snifters with our new mates in the bar before bedtime. We were squiffy enough to attempt a night swim at the beach but that turned out to be a mistake as the beach is quite rocky. Nice idea though.

Next morning we headed for the pool for some serious rest and relaxation. However the sound of a powerful engine turned all heads, and we looked out to see a lovely wet-bike zipping along the shoreline. As soon as the rider saw us, he made a beeline for our position, informing us that he hired the bike out at reasonable rates, and his mates would do the same. We hired three bikes and headed out for some fun on the high seas. Unfotunately the seas turned out to be too high for Lyn, as after ten mnutes she was turning green. The waves were getting on for two metres tall, which is not great on a wet-bike. If you build up any real speed you tend to take flight off the crests and land heavily in the troughs, risking trouser-related disaster at every turn. Therefore we were reduced to gently climbing and falling, which started to make even me feel sick. Lyn was duly dropped off at the beach and I rejoined John and Darren for twenty minutes of barely-in-control, forearm-pumping fun.

Grant had already decided to stay by the pool, despite the bike guy shouting "What abut man in Led shorts?" when we were arranging the bikes. Much hilarity ensued.

"Man in Led shorts" in full flight.

The guy's a human dynamo.

Lyn slept off her seasickness in the room, reappearing two hours later, a little shaky and disappointed she hadn't been able to enjoy the wet bike fully. I think she's a bit of a speed freak at heart but the sickness thing ruins it for her.

We spent the rest of the day enjoying the thoroughly decent pool facilities, swimming a little whenever the sun got too hot. The weather for the whole weekend was excellent, which is a bonus in wet season.

It was during one of my swimming escapades that I discovered a small bonus of my oft-mentioned negative buoyancy - I can actually walk along the floor of the pool almost asif I am on land. Great fun until you need to breathe.

Crap Picture of the Pool by Night

That evening we all went to one of the hotel restaurants. I had a lovely steak with a glass of red wine - a rare treat for a guy who lives with a veggy. It was scrumptious.

There was much discussion about what to do on Sunday, including the possibility of a boat trip and some snorkeling, but in the end we all decided staying in the resort was perfectly acceptable. Thailand is a cheap place to learn to scuba dive but personally I'd have a hard time giving up a whole holiday to it. Maybe next year.

So Sunday passed in blissful peace and quiet by the pool, and before we knew it we were packing and heading home.

We even had time for a couple in the cocktail bar while we waited for our taxi back to the airport. Sunset was lovely, and the pictures I took are a pale shadow of the real thing.

As I said, we'll definitely return to Phuket, and probably to the Amari Coral. The town looked a little busy but I'd like to hire mopeds and ride around for a bit.

All in all an excellent weekend was had.

Coming soon - our trip to Soi Cowboy, one of the more seedy corners of Bangkok.

Sorry, went away

We left suddenly on Friday for a weekend of sun, sea, sand and shellfish in Phuket, so there were no blogs over the weekend - sorry. However enough things happened in Phuket to justify a good few pages of twaddle, so not all bad. More to follow, as soon as I remember which pub I was in...

Meanwhile here's a taster.

The Biter Bit

Here's me tucking into a fried grasshopper. All together now - "It's just not cricket".

It tasted of palm oil, which is handy (guffaw) as that's what it was fried in. You can't quite make out its legs here, but they were as long as the body.

Here are the ones that got away...

Lyn was suitably disgusted, but fortunately not too ill to take the pictures.

No food value at all as far as I can tell. Just had to try it for bragging rights really. Didn't fancy the chrysalis though, they looked a bit juicy.

I'm not hearing much news from home - I understand Martin and Lucy are busy planning nuptials but what about the rest of you reprobates eh? Eh? Since Lyn got over here it's all gone quiet in New Mills it seems.

It's now only 28 days till I have my first trip home and I couldn't be more excited. Remember now, no welcoming committees, champagne, red carpets, ticketape processions, national holidays etc. Just keep it low key. I don't like being made a fuss of as you know (ahem.)

In work today I was informed that my first trip to the rigs is planned for early October, so I should have lots of jolly-jack-tar type escapades to relate in this very publication, and to tell in person to anybody who'll listen when I get home.

It's now been raining almost solidly for two days, so same as England I suppose. It's proper rain here though, none of that drizzly stuff you get. Rainy season ends in October, or November, or September - depends who you ask. I'll keep you all posted on the weather, especially if it's nice....

Bangkok Castle

Saw this bizarre Disney castle in a small park on the way to work. It's only about tem metres tall, obviously built in a small scale. So not for schoolkids then...

Speaking of schoolkids, I've seen a new phenomenon in the city - giant scouts! Photos to follow.


Speaking of phenomena, there have been some lovely storms in Thailand this month, as the rainy season kicks in big time. Lyn is quite literally in her element. Personally I can't wait for cooler, drier weather - I'm starting to go rusty.

Speaking of rusty, I'll be checking out some second hand motorcycles this coming weekend, photographic evidence to follow. Maybe we could run some kind of election so you lot get to choose what I buy.

Speaking of elections, who knows what'll happen here next politically. Apparently the caretaker prime minister they've got in place is Sinawatra's brother in law, which will not make him popular with the protesters.

Speaking of dull subjects, time for dinner.

Later. Be good.

fine dining...........

tonight russell really splashed out and took me to the best eatery he knows. the staff were very friendly, they almost seemed to know him personally! i was very impressed with the decor and luxurious surroundings!

And this is for Paul

Mr Norton,

Saw this and thought of you.

Pink Vespa

Picture of us on Pete & Merilyn's vintage Vespa in pink and beige. It's a thing of beauty, and I had fun razzing it round the carpark. The more observant viewers will notice it's on the stand here, Lyn is incapable of handling anything with more power than two AA batteries ....
















Hmm, that motorcycle license might come in handy quite soon. There's a Honda "Bros" for sale at work which might interest me. Nice little commuter, and I could imitate the taxi guys, being at the front of every queue.

Thousand Hits

Tha blog has passed a big landmark, as the hit counter is now over 1000. Thanks to all commenters and contributors for helping me through my first few weeks in Thailand, and long may your interest continue.

The one-thousandth visitor was Peter at work, so congrats to him. He wins a lifetime subscription to the up-coming tabloid "The Ferret", which will contain naked women with bored expressions, smut, cartoons that aren't funny, scurrilous lies and outright slander. We're going after the hearts and minds of the great British public, so what better than what they are used to?

Here's a picture of Pete, who gave me a lift home on his planet-sized scooter the other day...

The whirlwind has arrived

She's here, and she's really energised after the flight. Now at least I have someone to talk to.













Hmm. Er, Lynny?.....Lynny?



zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Giant Schoolkids Part 3

"Mum, why am I so big?"
"Shut up. Have you brushed your teeth?"









This one's female, big AND fast. I couldn't get a clear shot, she was shifting so fast.








"You coming to the protests?"
"What, in these clothes?"