Thai me down

So there I was, bashing away at the drums happily, when the maintenance chap arrived to fettle the aircon in the main bedroom. (It's been broken for a few days now so I've been sleeping in the spare room - NO chance of sleep without aircon if you're remotely English.)
So I let him in and he noticed the drums, and asked me to play! Well of course I obliged in my still-learning-but-proud-of-my-coolness way. He then informed me that his little helper guy plays. After some mangled english/thai conversation, the helper guy has a go on the drums - and plays like a pro! Just goes to show, no matter where you are, pride goes before a fall.

In other news, Lyn arrives on Wednesday, and I couldn't be more excited. We'll probably spend the first week having the obligatory arguments, then all will be fine. Hope she doesn't mind living with a large set of drums in the living room. I have kept the plant alive though.

In other news, I've blagged a week in New Mills working from home in November. So no more long stretches alone, hurrah.

In other news, my Offshore account is now up and running, so I can start counting the reasons for being here.

In other news, I found a squash club and had a game. However a permanent membership would be £1000 per year and I can't justify that so that will probably be my last game. Shame.

In other news, I've just read back through this article and it's boring. I'll try to come up with a quality item before the weekend's out. Maybe I need to venture out with the trusty phone/camera....

Oooh, she's a one

I don't know what the surprised expression is about.....

Some bits and bobs

Just to prove I'm not obsessed with 14 year old boys, here are some things I thought I'd share.




No, that's not the bonnet of a car - it's the motorcycle taxi guy's hat. This is my uninterrupted view as I hurtle along every morning on the way to work.





These two young ladies (names to follow) make my dinner two or three times a week.




Second best form of transport in Bangkok. This fellow is always at the end of our soi. Never seen him working. unless this is work, in which case I'd like a job.

Giant Schoolkids Part 2

This big fella has the western style low-slung kecks going on.

Making secret signals to me. Am I paranoid?

Er.. ah, this one's actually an elephant. My mistake.

Giant Schoolkids Part 1

As promised, a piece about the amazing phenomenon which is "Giant Schoolkid Syndrome". I won't explain because it's bleeding obvious. No sod that, I will explain, because it's my bloody blog, it's my sodding syndrome and I took the pigging photos ALRIGHT? (**Note from editor: good alliteration Russell, but CALM DOWN.)

These lads are no more that 14. They always appear in white shirts and short trousers, white ankle socks, and surly expressions. That alone proves they're 14. They completely dwarf the rest of the Thai population, outmassing them by oh, I'd guess 20 percent. They're everywhere and I hate them. I envy them thier youth and their size, but NOT their dress sense.

Some examples: (More to follow)

No normal humans here to give context, but believe me this guy is immense.

This particular specimen is head and shoulders above his peers, meaning I had to "Peer" around him (guffaw) to have my usual view of the rest of the train...

This one can't even be captured on one image he's so large. Good example of the lower-leg-fashion-disaster though.

I honestly believe that in 20 or 30 years there will be no small Thai people any more, and I for one will miss them. Anyway, I'll keep snapping these guys and we can maybe start a campaign to get western food OUT of Thailand....

What we got up to at the weekend! (posted by lyn)

the goings on over the weekend!!

a small selection of the many coloured alcoholic drinks that were consumed!

.......................and we all survived to tell the story!

it must be love as the hen and the stag couldn't resist meeting up for at least some of the evening..ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Bangkok buzz

There's something zen-like about the people here. We went for a walk during our first week here, just mooching about the way you do. Anyway we were walking down a long side street with mopeds passing us in both directions, when I was struck... not by a moped, but by just how quiet it was. My previous experience in hot countries has been noisy and frenetic, with small bikes with open exhausts having their necks wrung by annoying teenagers in a hurry to go nowhere. Here they ride very gently, never revving high, calm as you like. The result is a very peaceful city.

Even in heavy traffic, which they obviously have, there's very little honking of horns, virtually no open exhausts, and few (if any) trucks. Come to think of it, I haven't seen a large articulated lorry in Bangkok at all. I wonder how they get stuff around.

Perhaps the quietness of the roads is related to the Thai reluctance to shout. I walked into the office the other day and stupidly bellowed hello to all in the room. I was met with bemused silence, followed by embarrassed laughs. They really don't understand why anyone would raise their voice.

Odd, but nice.

hello!!!! (posted by lyn)

Nuvver new hat

Well, with this much hair I need some protection. Looking a little gay here methinks. Must be all the time spent with ladyboys.

Scribble 2

What have I been up this week, apart from disastrous hairdo's and drumming? I can hear you all clamouring for news.

Normal stuff I suppose, given that I'm in Bangkok.

Some thoughts about said city:

• Being the tallest person on a train never loses its appeal.
• Ditto being smiled at constantly.
• Ditto motorcycle taxis, as mentioned several times. Although I did lose my baseball cap t'other day at 45kph on a busy Sreet - which meant I could shop for a new one - hurrah!
• It's a city of sudden whiffs though, it must be said. You'll be wandering along munching away at some delicious treat you got from a street vendor, and suddenly wham! You're retching. Those deep-fried toffee coated bananas are threatening to abandon ship. It's all bacause you inadvertently walked past a drain cover and there's not enough wind to take away the bad air. Next few steps and it clears up, and you wander on, none the worse if a little wiser for the experience.
• Thunderstorms are ridiculously common at this time of year. This is very exciting for Lyn, who becomes 8 whenever she sees lightning. I only enjoy them when they are directly overhead and the noise is at its peak. It's a bit like fireworks, which for me could all be the same shade of brown but MUCH louder. I was in China in 1997 for their new year, in a province that allowed fireworks. Now THAT was fireworks. No fences, no H&S, no firemen. We were right in the middle of it, holding roman candles, throwing rolls of bangers across the road amongst the traffic, shouting above the din. And just when I thought it could get no louder, it got three times as loud. Unforgettable.
• Thai people prepare food differently when foreigners order it. They think we can't handle the amount of chilli they use, AND THEY'RE RIGHT. Forget dehydration due to sweating - one genuine Thai meal and I can cry enough tears to be reaching for the salt tablets and muttering intelligent phrases like "ooooooaaaaaeeeeeee!"
• There's virtually no cycling in this city. I came with a plan to cycle to work if possibe but it's too hot and too dangerous to try. I did see one brave soul thundering along one of the main roads on a full-on racer with all the gear on, including streamlined hat (one of my ambitions is to wear one of those hats backwards). He was doing a good 40kph so relatively safe, since everything was going the same speed. One wonders what happened when he slowed down - probably died.

This conversation happenend t'other day in the lift at Lake Green (my apartment, for those not paying attention):

Russell and a young Thai lady enter the lift. The Thai lady heads for the buttons, looks at Russell expectantly.

Russell: "Sip-Jer". (17 in pidgin Thai)

Thai: (Presses buttons) "Ahh, yoo speek Thai?"

Russell: "A little, yes" (Gross exaggeration - well she was pretty)

Thai: "You got Thai girlfriend?"

Russell: ( Rather smugly) "No, English wife"

Thai: (Pouts) "Then why yoo speek Thai?"

Russell: "Er, well it's polite to try"

Thai: (Obviously sulking, silence)

Russell exits lift, feeling like he did something bad. How do women do that?

Sometimes I feel like tattooing "I am NOT a sex tourist" across my forehead to discourage this kind of thing. I have to fend off several sellers of "Sexy mooovees" every time I go into a mall. Most annoying.

In other news:

I've now applied at the Embassy for a letter of residence here - which means I can get a driving license and - maybe - a motorcycle.

My allergic reaction to new bedsheets has subsided now. The rash is gone and I feel a lot better in general.

I've got into a routine of using the apartment's gym three times a week. This is good for me as I've been unsuccessful in finding a decent squash club, and the cycling didn't happen. Visits to the gym are nice when there's an outside pool to jump into afterwards, to warm down. Ahh, luxury.

I had a bit of a nightmare with the drums, notwithstanding the cabling issue. The set I bought has a separate kick drum and foot pedal, unlike the baby set I have at home which is all bolted on one frame. The floors in my apartment are shiny and slippy, so after about 20 seconds of drumming the two articles would drift apart, or sideways, and destroy my beautiful playing. This was solved elegantly by way of a lovely purple bath mat:

Like I said, an elegant solution.

..whaaat?




It's an extremely hot (satur)day out there, but I have to go out and get food 'n stuff. Back later...

Looks hot, innit?

This is Soi 8, down which I have to walk to the shop. Pure torture.

Now, where's my new cap?.....

Girl Power!! (posted by lyn)

.............the life of the under-cat is never easy :-)

A thought

Ceris Matthews should have been made Queen of Wales, England and the world, just for the way she sang the last word of the line "..and I know an atom bomb that's going for a song..." in The Ballad of Tom Jones. If ever a golden moment was captured for eternity, that was it.

The AAAAArrgh is over

Just to say thanks to all those people who expressed sympathy (thanks daughter) for my frustration at not being able to play with my new drums.
I visited one of the many giant Plazas in Bangkok and came away with numerous bits of cable, jack plugs, converters and a pair of headphones. The drums are now working fine, and I can spend the next year or so working on my timing, which seems to have deteriorated on the bedpost overnight.
Been a bit depressed this week for various reasons, ohm sickness being one of them. I'll do a nice long scribble this weekend on the blog to cheer me up. How would that be?

tata for now.

Good Qoutes (posted by lyn)

Just saw this one and couldn't resist..........


Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok..


anyone any others?

Couldn't find an illustration.............would you care to model Russell????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh

Got drums, wrong output socket, need widget, shops closed, nuff said.

OMG!!!! (posted by lyn)

he might not post a photo but the phantom webcam snapper will...................... eek am I married to that!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

Pay Attention Russell!

Just had the mother of all DIY-hair-clipping disasters. Nothing for it, had to take it all off. No pictures, you'll be glad to hear.
Jeez, I work in an office full of Australians and I'M the one who looks like a convict.

Home cooking

Hey, I put my own dinner together today. I made this...

Into this...

Seriously though, eating here is a revelation. In the UK we'd be horrified if we ate the same meal twice in a week (unless we live alone and there's nobody to disapprove). Here the variety eaten by the locals is almost non existant. I regularly get this meal ("pok an' lice speshur") from a street vendor near my apartment. It's delicious and nutritious and costs a whacking 50p. I mix it up by having noodles with won tons from the same vendor every other visit.

Makes me more and more cynical about our "foody" culture. What depresses me is the way they are trying to get western crap, sorry food, over to the Thai people with marketing. On the trains, which have TV in every carriage, they are shown adverts where healthy young Thai kids are tucking into gigantic cheesy pizzas, washed down with full-lard coke of course. I'm convinced this is the cause of the "giant schoolkid" phenomenon. More later on that.

For now, read the post below - it took me heffing ages to write and I'd hate it if nobody read it!

Scribbles

Just listening to Gideon Coe on 6music online. That guy is the best radio personality around. Check it out at 9pm week nights if you like to keep up with what’s new, and have a bit of nostalgia too.

Anyhoo, I thought I’d write something down this weekend – it’s Saturday morning, 38 degrees outside but nice and cool in my apartment, so apart from a trip out later for provisions I’m staying put. Thing is, what to write down? A poem? (I hear groans). Short story? I have one I prepared earlier and it might make an appearance later. Jokes? Maybe. The problem is, being funny is only possible with something to “go on”. It’s kind of a two-way thing, capische? Maybe someone could give me a start. Perhaps a small anecdote, an amusing experience, or even a subject to discuss. Meanwhile I’ll blather on about nothing, which is about as funny as…. Well, nothing.

I assume you’ve all been watching the Olympics? It’s passed me by completely. I hope “Team GB” are doing well, and that there aren’t too many drug scandals. I did see a medal table which appeared to show China winning the “Rion’s share” (guffaw) of the medals. What a surprise. They seem to have gone to great lengths to get their athletes etc. up to such a high standard ready for the enormous PR boost of winning the Olympics. Has nobody told them it’s irrelevant? A bigger PR boost would be improving their human rights record, but no we’ll just see a few overtrained gymnasts and the circus will move on. What a triumph of style over substance. What an opportunity missed. What a pisser, change the subject Russell. To cheer me up after that rant, here are some people who maybe tried too hard…

Ouch

Ouch

OUCH

I've been reading a lot more since getting here. I bought James Joyce's Ulysses to give me the literary high ground, but so far I've read a series of Iain M Banks sci-fi novels. They're great (and thanks Breck), but eventually I'll have to tackle Mr Joyce. Has anyone read it? I get diffrent reports whenever I ask. Some call it the 20th century's best novel, others say it's a load of tosh. My opinion, rest assured, will follow.

By the way this monologue, seamless though it seems, has been (and will continue to be) written over the course of a lazy day, spent alternating betweeen reading and writing. Oh, and peeling off dead skin. (Gross. Stop it.)

Let me know what you lot are reading, you bunch of illiterates. Or writing.

Here's a list of questions for those people I haven't heard from so far on this blog:

• Martin, how's my bike?
• Lucy, how's preparations going?
• Maureen, have you been wearing leather?
• Carol, how's your achilles, your coccyx etc?
• Reg, got that car going yet?
• Anne, how's the boat? And Tony?
• Tracy & Breck, how are Carol & Reg?
• ...Carol & Reg, how are Tracy & Breck?
• Jack, are you in London yet?
• ...Alex, is Jack in London yet?
• Emma, what are you listening to these days?
• Colin, got your new PC yet?
• Sandy, got a mobile yet? Number?
• Grant, have you been Beehiving?
• Michael, how are your paradiddles?
• Rosemarie, are you painting?
• Tonydad, how's your knee? Oh yes forgot you don't have one!

If I've missed you out it's becsause
a) I already heard from you
b) I don't want to hear from you
c) I forgot you (unlikely)

There, that should get the feedback loop going, to use an engineering term. Speaking of engineering terms, I don't half miss Ohm...(Crrassshhhh). And if that's not funny, I don't know Watt is...(Crrrasssshhh).

Speaking of cymbals, I supposedly take delivery of my new drums on Monday. I'm skeptical - it surely can't be that easy. They will probably arrive smashed to pieces some time in late November. With the amount of time I have to practise I should be well up to concert standard by the time I get Ohm(sic)...(Crrassssshhhh)

Speaking of November, I'm hoping to negotiate a week or so working from home in New Mills later in the year. That would be nice. Pete / Bob, if you're reading, let me know if this is possible. If it's not then don't tell me.

Speaking of internet messages Vs face to face conversations ( I will see both Pete and Bob in the office on Monday), I've now got myself a webcam so anyone with the same technology is welcome to call me on Skype. My Skype name is russellhindley. Wacky, eh?

Speaking of work, it's going well, thanks for asking. Learning loads of stuff I should have learned years ago, and gainfully employed into the forseeable future. Also earning a reasonable wedge to offset the economic collapse which seems to be continuing in the YooKay.

Speaking of collapses, Lake Green apartments (my gaff) has just had a power interruption of about a minute, during which time:
a) I realised I'm writing this online, and that it could all disappear and have to be written again
b) Gideon Coe went quiet
c) The temperature in my apartment rose so fast I thought someone had lit a fire in my living room. Thank heavens for A/C.

Speaking of ... well that's enough speaking-of's for now. Better see if this message exceeds the character limit for one post on the blog...

Ah, no problem.

Be well, let me know ok?

Early morning revelations

I was just turning over in my sleep and I realised I'd rolled onto the uncomfortable parts of my skin - ALL OF THEM. Hip, thigh, calf. It's the heffing sheets, nothing to do with sunburn.

I know you'll all sleep easier knowing this, so despite it being 3.30 am here I've posted this and called all my loved ones with the news. I've also pulled the new sheets off the bed.

Hmm, I think I feel a cartoon-drawing phase comng on.

Gnight.

Inconsequential Twaddle. I'm soooo bored

Tried on a hat in town today..

Sadly there was no mirror so I had to take this photo to confirm that yes I did indeed look a tit, so I didn't buy it.

Posting made easy

Ok, so I've made it so you can post as a nonny mouse now. If that doesn't get the comments rolling in I'll have to assume nobody misses me.

Meanwhile here are pictures of my ongoing sunburn debacle. The skin has all peeled off now but it's left a very painful (simper) irritation behind. In scouse parlance, "I've been the quack and got some slap". We'll see if it clears up. I know you're rooting for me and I can feel the support coming through the wires.

In case anyone forgets what he looks like! (posted by Lyn)

Sneaky captured shots from the webcam, hope I don't get into trouble..............

Bangkok Chapter

As promised, some motorcycle taxis. I love these guys.

By the way, they really love elephants here. No I mean REALLY...

Panoramic Poster of Peking (Sorry Bangkok, bit of PL there)

How's this?

Night time view from my apartment.

Hello from sunny New Mills! (posted by lyn)

I know you must be missing us all terribly so just so you don't forget what the old place looks like I've taken a few photo's, no.........it hasn't changed at all!

and a special hello from two very special friends, and yes he is on your side of the bed...........sorry!!

Photo's of the next BH get together will be posted..........

Tin Tuc Tuc's

Found these ace miniature Tuc-Tucs on a market stall. Tuc-Tucs are useful for getting around Bangkok, they seem to have their own rules when it comes to traffic.

However, by far the best means of transport, and one of my favourite things about Bkk, is the motorcycle taxi. These little guys in orange bibs can be found on most large street corners, and they will take you anywhere within a radius of two or three miles, hat-free, whatever you're carrying - which on one occasion for Lyn was a Cornetto in one hand and a baby in the other. Try it in the UK and you'd be arrrested and thrown in the Tower with nothing but a week-old copy of the Daily Mail for company.

I'll get a photo of these eastern hells angels and post it soon.

Yes yes, but what about the sodding apartment?

Thought I'd share these photos of my not-so-compact, but very bijou apartment. Look on and weep, slum dwellers.

Lake Green Apartments, aka "The Emerald, shitty".

Our personal Tuc Tuc in action

Wifey posing by the lake view, la di da

Sundry interior shots:

..and finally the view at sunset:

That's all I have I'm afraid. More when I think of it.