Platformance

Been here four days now and got lots to say. Settle down with a glass, It's going to be a while. I have pictorial content too. For starters, how about this one of the platform's pet turtle? Apparently it's here quite often, must be after the potato peelings (laced with chilli of course). I've been keeping an eye out for it since last time I was here, but this is the first time I've seen it. I was beginning to think it was mythical, a windup. This pic doesn't give an idea of scale but it's fairly large - I'd sat about the size of a Ford Focus. Yes Odette, I'm joking.

I believe BST has kicked in over there. That means an hour less in bed you lazy bunch. After my 3.40 am start on Friday I've now got more sleep than I can handle here, in fact I'm running out of things to dream about. When they start repeating I'll know it's time to leave. Speaking of leaving, one of the choppers broke down on the pad here today, and everyone had to wait hours while parts were brought out by boat to fix it. Hope that doesn't happen to me on the 22nd.

I've been back to the good old gym and discovered that the equipment is suffering from overuse and undermaintenance. The pulldown machine won't pull down, the bars will barely bell and the static cycle has a wobbly top section and sqeaky wheels. Luckily we've befriended the Maintenance Supervisor - lovely bloke by the name of Bob Zitsch (Yes he's American) and he's promised to look into it. I'll be back there tonight so I hope he's done it already. Mind you he's 70 years old so he might have forgotten. Bless. Actually he looks about 55 so the oil business can't be all bad.

Bart's teeth have caused much hilarity this week. He's half way through a 6 month program of braces to close the gap between the front two, which was so large I wondered if it would have been easier to fit an extra one in. Now that would be a novel look. Anyway, right now he can't say words containing doulble esses without emitting a comical whistling sound, like an old kettle.

Bart struggles to keep his flaming hand away from his bananas.

When not sleeping, eating or working I find time for drumming practice (yes you heard me), reading or playing Age of Empires III - a fine game and recommended to anyone under the age
of 90. Games are quite bloke-ish I know, but ladies please don't hate us for it. We find shoes quite dull but we don't complain when you accumulate thousands of them. Wifey informed me today that she's finally found a replacement for her favourite red pumps, which she's been wearing for years even though they suffered a terrible accident with some black scuff-coat last summer.

No reason for posting this pic, I just think it's nice.

This is a sunrise, thankfully rig-free. The horizon here is full of the damned things - you 'd think this was the middle of an oil field.

My birthday happens while I'm home (go figure) so I've made a wishlist of stuff I'd really like:

• Lamborghini
• 3 year holiday
• Another 3 year holiday
• Cancel the Lambo, I hate cars
• Some time off
• A rest

I've been eating healthily since getting here, despite the abundance of cake on offer. I did take photos of a couple of meals with the intention of posting them here, but I think I've plumbed the depths of dullness enough for one day. That's the probem with trying to keep a blog running - you end up photographing your food. Madness. I'll post again when something interesting happens. Meanwhile I'm off to burn 400 calories on a rickety bike.

Later, be good

Another sentence begins

..with a capital letter, in this case "O" for "Oh dear, tomorrow I start 26 days on a rusty climbing frame in the middle of the ocean. I think I'm going to die."

It's not too bad really. Food's good, money's good, beer's good (dream on) and I get to take big steps towards finishng this job.

Right, it's 9pm and I have a pickup ay 03.40(!!!) to go to the chopper. Goodnight all. Look for much posting from the platform, and keep the comments coming.

I'm going in, cover me....

Wa-he-he-HEEYYYYYYYYYY

Frustration anyone?

Just a note to those of an engineering persuasion who might be reading. If you really like doing your job in bursts of 30 seconds of actual coding, followed by ten to fifteen minutes watching an egg timer while knots form in your stomach, try ArchestrA. I guarantee you'll lose the power of rational thought and your language will turn a deep shade of blue.


I'm off to kick something.

Prodical sons and daughters

You've all come back, how gratificatory. I was briefly down to an audience of one or two (you know who you are, and thanks) but today I've had new comments from Odette, Lucy and Sandy. Yesterday Paul chipped in too. I'm so pleased I decided to answer you all in a new thread, so here goes:

Sandy, I don't believe for one millisecond that you want to hear about firewalls, hard drives and instances. Nor do I want to talk about them, since they occupy 90% of my time lately. How are things in bonny Scotland, and when are you coming out here to buy me a Singha?

Odette, stress seems to be the order of the day, what with the financial crisis etc. you, me, Lynny and Lubiloo are all under pressure and no sign of an end to it. Let's form a "neurotics helpline", in which we all call each other and talk about our problems with heart murmurs, sleeplessness and caffeine addiction. There's comfort in numbers.

Loob, how nice to have you back onboard, if only briefly while your arm heals. Give the pickaxe to Martin next time, you stick with the pruning eh? I hope they get you some help at work - a little (ginger) bird told me you are inundated with benefit claims, and no wonder.

I just watched Barack Obama doing his thing on the Jay Leno show. Very down to earth guy, not at all like a British politician. They talk in everyday language over there, not hyperbole, rhetoric and intellectual double-speak like our lot. Mind you, over there the opposition are less critical of the current leadership. Our lot just snipe at each other constantly, it's pathetic.

Ah well, enough moaning, have to be up for work, g'night, be good.

Lizards

Sunday and I'm working. I've now gone ten weeks with one day off, and no let-up probably for another ten weeks. Lucky to be in a job I suppose, the way things are going back in blighty.

I really must brush up on my kitchen hygiene. Crumbs left around, dishes not necessarily washed immediately. This morning I was washing some dishes which had been left overnight, and all of a sudden a Lizard jumped out of the suds onto my hand. Bit of a shock at 6.30 on a Sunday morning. I shook it off onto the draining board, whereupon it sauntered into a corner of the worktop, looking soapy but dignified, and stared at me balefully while I finished the dishes. I presume it was waiting to dry out before scuttling off to munch on someone else's leftovers.

Lizards are everywhere here, so if anyone's planning to visit, be ready.

Speaking of cold blood, I'm in the office now, it's 8.10 am and the AC doesn't cut in until 9. If I was reptilian I'd be basking in the heat (and checking out the kitchen), but since I'm a mere mammal I'll just stew for an hour or so. Ah well, back to the bits and bytes...

Be good.

So I said to this horse...

Things are hotting up here and I haven't had time to blog much, nor have I had much to blog about, unless you all want to read about bits and bytes, servers and clients, hard drives, floppy disks and firewalls, templates and instances, uploads and downloads, galaxies and graphics.

No? Didn't think so.

I just finished "A Partisan's Daughter" by Louis de Bernieres. Very short book, you could speed-read it in a couple of hours, and at first glance fairly easy reading. However the last few pages, even the last line, hit me like a train and made me want to weep for the two main characters. He's a very good writer.

I also watched "The Pride and the Glory" with Edward Norton, Colin Farrell and Jon Voigt. Loads of talented people in it, but way too violent. However, when the main protagonists weren't beating the crap out of each other/the baddies/women/children/etc, they found time for some powerful acting. Worth watching if you have a strong stomach. Jon Voigt as the (initially) proud father, drunkenly speechifying at the christmas dinner table was definitely a high point. Everyone likes a drink but nobody likes a drunk.

Seven days now till I go back to the platform. It'll be a difficult trip so expect some histrionics. I hope to keep blogging while on board, to release pent up frustration on my long-suffering readership. I haven't yet booked my flight home, as even my ten-day break between platform trips is now in doubt, such is the current situation with this job. If all goes to plan I'll be flying on the 23rd April, but not promising to be in the pub this time as I stood a few people up last time.

I'm off to write a letter. Be good.

Afternoon off

Well I've been to 't shop, got enough weetbix (note missing "a" - NOT a spelling mistake) to keep a small army regular, avoided being trodden on by elephants, refused sundry pornographic material and bought some fake DVD's, albeit with real money. Now I'm set for an afternoon of blogging, watching movies and luxuriating in my own company. Sad really.

Funny thing about Thailand, the stall owners don't have our perspective on DVD piracy, or fake goods in general. If it was somehow stopped, and heaven knows how, their livelihoods would disappear completely. It's not, for them, a money-making sideline. It's a livelihood. Bart went to a plaza yesterday to part-exchange a phone for a new one. He had the presence of mind to open the new phone on the spot, which involved removing the shrink-wrapping and breaking the tamper-proof seal. On opening the box he discovered the "new" phone had worn keys. Pointing this out to the mock-horrified stall owner, he was given another one, which on closer inspection also had worn keys. Scary really, it only goes to show, as one shoe-seller said to me, "Nothing is real in Thailand".

Haf Man Half Biscuit: Joy Division Oven Gloves

Yes, I'm listening to the radio again. Hang on, the missus is on the phone...

Long conversation coming on, back later..

Day Off

Sunday morning, ahhhhh.
Here is an extensive list of things I really must do today:

Good isn't it?
So glad to have time off because I've worked every day since arriving back in Bangkok on February 21st, and before that in blighty I worked every day. Dedication to a task is something that's never really suited me, so feeling quite pious at the moment. Won't last though.

Had a few beers with Pete and Bart in the Black Swan last night. It's an english style boozer which sells hearty english food like fish and chips, toad in the hole etc. I had a few pints of Guinness to add an irish flavour, and we set the world to rights as only half-drunk blokes can.

Fig 1: A pint of Guinness. Note the previous glass and remains of Pete's fish and chips in the background. Also note telly screen showing the Liverpool v Man U match - a true british experience.

High point from the week past: the BBC item about the bloke having his underpants shredded by a marauding kangaroo. I loved that. Apparently he was obliged to wrestle the thing out of his house when it crashed through his window onto his bed in the wee small hours. First off, he and his missus just hid under the covers (imagine the conversation that went on) but it moved towards the kids' bedroom so a rather one-sided fight began. Eventually, bloody but undaunted, the beast hopped off back into the bush, presumably still clutching the remains of the guy's y-fronts. Most amusing.

Low point from the week past: putting deposit on motorbike(Yay!) then beig told it won't be here till late April(Ouch). Also wifey's reaction to said purchase was not pretty.

In other news, I now have a brand new passport with visa. Must try to keep this one dirty. This one has a rather better photo than the last, although I was told to remove my glasses as they had gone dark from the sunshine. Sorry to mention the weather again.

Speaking of the weather, gosh it's hot here. Next month is supposed to be the hottest time of year. For Buddhist new year, they have a festival called Songkran in which they all throw water at each other, but I'll be on the platform at that time. I'm told it's impossible to go out anywhere and not get drenched so I'm unhappy about missing it. Maybe I'll be here for the next one though eh?...

Actually I've exaggerated by suggesting I'm doing nothing today - I have to go to the supermarket. That's about one mile of walking on baking hot concrete, passing the occasional foul-smelling drain, several blokes waving porn at me, tuk-tuk drivers offering cheap lifts via their cousins' shops, stalls selling all sorts of tat, fake dvd's, fake shirts, fake hats and three or four elephants. Then I get to wander round the (thankfully air conditioned) shop before running the same gauntlet, this time with 20 kilos of skimmed milk, breakfast cereal, tins of soup and bottled water in my groaning rucksack. Not very relaxing but at least I'm off work. Think I might train for an hour in the gym as well, if I have the energy left after shopping. More later...

Hat Update Update

Mission accomplished - now I won't look a knob.



Whaaaaat?

Hat Update

..at least if I get my own bike gear I won't have to look a complete knob every morning and evening...

Bike Update Update Update

Ok, title getting silly now. Note to self: stop it.


Well the deposit's paid. Now the wait begins. I nearly went for one of these:

..but decided in the name of price and practicality to opt for one of these:

..in orange. Problem is they can't deliver until April 8th, and I go to the platform on March 30th, so won't get to ride it till I get home. Wahh.

I also found out why Kawasaki's are so cheap here (less than half the price of Yamaha, for instance) - they are made in Thailand. Yes indeed the factory is in Rayong. Happy days.

In other news, I now have a new passport, to replace my wrinkly one. (see earlier blog, and shame on you for not knowing what I'm talking about). Now I just need to get the visa reprinted and I'm all set. Mind you, the visa won't be necessary for a while because Lyn is coming here in April and my next trip home looks like being in June.

While we're on Lyn, do you think she'll get on the back of the bike when she comes over? More likely hit me over the head for buying it. I haven't actually had the courage to mention putting the deposit today, so Lyn, please don't be too angry, I'll be very careful. Have you ever banged your thumb with a hammer, and had those breathless few seconds of "gosh, that's going to hurt" before the pain kicks in? That's how I feel now..

In other news, the response to my pop video has been so nice that I'm in the process of making another one. Any suggestions as to content would be gratefully received and, of course, completely ignored.

See you all one day, be good

Visit by Her Majesty

Missus Lyn is coming to see me on my birthday. Could not ask for a nicer present.

My current plans are to be offshore for all of April and May, with just a week off in the middle. That's eight weeks out of nine in prison, for my sins. Instead of me travelling back to blighty, she's going to have a week in the sun.

After the May trip the job should ease off a bit (supposed to be finished) so I'll organise a trip home then. Maybe I'll finally get to see Alex and, here's hoping, Jack.

In other news, it's 7am on Sunday and I'm off to work soon. Deadlines deadlines, you know how it is.

Still cogitating on the bike thing. Lyn has made it plain that she doesn't like the idea but in the name of practicality I might be defiant on this occasion.

I'm listening via the miracle of Skype to a hailstorm that's happening in New Mills as I type. Brrrr. It's really heating up here, dry season kicking in. It's around 35 every day. By the time I get home in June it should be up to 25 there, whoopee. Strangely when I come home I don't feel particularly cold, partly because I put loads of layers on in case. Always enjoy the cool air though. You never get that fresh feeling here unless you stand in front of an AC unit.

Been drumming quite a bit this week, but not yet up to a level where you'd want to listen. Improvement is slow without musicians to play along with, instruction by tutor etc. But it's good fun and more active than watching telly or blogging.

Speaking of telly, I bought a DVD player to watch films in bed (lazy bugger) for 990 baht, about 20 of you earth pounds. Got it home, plugged it in - black and white. Gutted, until after 15 minutes of searching through Thai menu systems I finally tried wiggling the wires. Hey presto, full colour. I watched Leatherheads with George Clooney and Renee Zelwegger. Quite good.

Speaking of films, I watched Terminator last week on telly, Classic. The effects at the end are so dated now, the cyborg scenes look little better than King Kong in the fifties. Great film though, the early scenes are the best - Arnie scanning for Sarah Connor in the Police car, eyebrows burned off from an earlier mishap. Reece blowing him through the bar window, onto the street.

Right, enough meandering, it's no more than procrastination - I have to go to work and do a bit before the office AC shuts off at three in the afternoon. Then back here to lie by the pool I think. Hard life eh?

Be good, wrap up warm. Brrr.

Bike Update Update

Went, rode, want.

Supply problems mean that if I say yes, I won't get the bike till early April. How very frustrating.
I'll have a think about it tomorrow, make a decision on Monday.

More soon..

Bike Update

Yes I'm still here. Keep checking, I will do some proper blogging as soon as this busy period ends.

Meanwhile a short piece of news - I'm off to the Bangkok Kawasaki dealer this afternoon after work. I've never owned a K so could be tempted to take the plunge. The one I'd be interested in is this:



..but I'd be getting the black and yellow version. More later. Be good.

Motorcycle Taxi Ride

Part of my ride home every day, set to a favourite piece of music - You! Me! Dancing! by Los Campesinos. They're from Cardiff, obviously.
By the way you need sound to experience the finer points of my masterpiece (mantlepiece, more like), and preferably very loud.



Hope you enjoy my first attempt at creative film making. Comments on the back of a 1000 Baht note to my address, please.

I was struck today - not by lightning, which was entirely likely considering the violent storm I've just walked through - but by how reliable the transport systems are in this city. This only became obvious today, when for the first time since coming here in July, I was delayed. The doors of our train opened at Siam Station and didn't close again for ten whole minutes. We sat there being informed of why we weren't moving (technical problems on the line ahead, probably due to the already mentioned deluge) every two minutes or so, and nobody complained. There wasn't a tut, a raised eyebrow or even a shrug. Wonderful temperament these people. In England we'd have been writing to the Daily Mail before you could say "Cash in, someone's to blame". Anyway, by the time we got moving again the train was full of people who would have otherwise missed it, so there's a positive outcome.

I didn't get a chance to blog anything over the weekend, because I spent most of it at the office. The phrase that best describes the current atmosphere at work is "End Game" (thanks Peter). Everyone has their race-face on and we're all trying our best to finish the thing. My next platform trip is now delayed while we gather enough completed software to make it more cost effective to send me out there. That would be a bind, considering the financial benefits of being offshore, but even here there's a silver lining - I get to shop around for a motorbike, since i'll be commuting for a few more weeks. Right now I'm considering my options, and I'm sure wifey will have something to say on the matter, but watch this space for bike-related news.

Enough twaddle for now. Hope the video played ok.

Has anyone been to Mumbai?