Folk

Some music for you - and nary a drumbeat to be heard.

Alasdair Roberts - The hallucinator and the king of the silver ship of time

Mary Hampton - Island

Jesca Hoop - Hunting My Dress

The Unthanks - Nobody Knew She Was There

You have to sit down and relax to enjoy these. I did.

Be good.

Top tips

Got sent a link to some top tips, which I find tear-jerkingly funny. However, I'm not going to pass the link to you lot because they get less funny after five or so. Instead, I'll post a few here now and then.

To keep the freshness you should avoid finding the site for yourself and ruining the fun.

That's a top tip from me :)

Here's a selection:

• OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
• BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.
• Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y, Stevenage.
• Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead
• When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary

More later.. taters

One Night in New Mills

Going home today, for a night and a day.

It's to pick up my mountain bike so I can start riding it over here. Trip costs same as new bike, so why not?

Laters

Nonsense Slogans

I'm going to compile a list of t-shirt slogans that I see here that are in English but make no sense. It's strange, I saw one the other day which prompted this blog, but I've forgotten it. They don't have any logical meaning so they don't stay in the mind. Hey, maybe there's a conspiracy and they contain subliminal messages. Hmm, maybe that's why I've had a strange compulsion to drink full-lard Coke, which I normally hate......

Anyway, the next one I see will appear on here, assuming it survives in my (very)short term memory long enough.

Watch this bobbbin....

In big letters across the back: "SLUR".

I'm on!

Got phone and interweb in the new apartment at last.

In other news, no motorbike. Would it make me happy? Probably not.

Might think about a pushbike though....

Want it, need it

Saw this for sale in a shack round the corner from the office (there are always shacks round the corner in Bangkok)
It's a Honda Bros, 650cc V-Twin, same engine type as my Hyosung at home. The guy started it up and it sounds luvly. It's for sale for half what I got for the D-Tracker. Hmmmmmmm.

In other news, I'm sat by the pool (using free wireless) on a wednesday morning, waiting for the telephone man to come and fix my line. I've a feeling it won't happen but the morning off is nice. Mind you, I have to stay down here on the ground floor in 35 degrees waiting for him to call my mobile, because my reception is so bad in the apartment. I'm on my fourth t-shirt so far - it's stupidly hot here. I'm too hairy for this climate. Maybe an all-over shave might help. The things that stop me trying it are:

• Uncomfortable unless done every day
• Time-consuming
• Probably ineffectual
  

In any case, if I start radiating all my heat, everyone else is going to be that much hotter.

In other news, there's now a bloke swimming lengths in the pool with a mask and snorkel on. Bit strange, there's surely nothing to see on the pool bottom, unless you're into quality grouting. Maybe he's a pool inspector. In which case I want his job. Jeez he's done six lengths of the (very long) pool already. I'm intimidated. He's slowing down now though, must be struggling, or maybe he's found some mis-matched tiles. There is a gigantic whale done in darker tiles at the far end, and a group of dolphins in the centre. I know because I use them as markers to tell how far I am from the end when I do my 4 lengths. Yes 4. It's a long pool. There are also some stone fish spitting water into the pool along one side. If you don't keep your head down as you swim past you're likely to get wet. That's a joke.
Pool, Spitting Fish, Snorkel Man - did I lie?

In other news my battery is running low, and anyway you're boring me now. Be good, and if you're cold I'm jealous.

15 Bottles of wine later

We (Plexal) had our traditional New Years party last night (yes yes it's February - we're busy ok?). It was at Buri Restaurant, on the river. Good location, might bring the missus there next time she's over. Here's sunset from before the wine came..

You wouldn't think this was in the middle of Bangkok, na?

Our General Manager had ordered 15 bottles of French red. Rude not to drink it really, so we did. Here we are much later, all rather unsteady. I'm the one hiding behind the boss's granddaughter. I should have stood up but felt a bit woozy. Hic.

A bunch of drunken bums, AKA Plexal.

As Good As It Gets

I just watched Notting Hill, followed by As Good As It Gets. Cried my bloody eyes out. I wouldn't mind but I've seen both films a million times.

Sometimes schmaltz is ok.

Rutnin

Rutnin - no, not a new band. It's the eye hospital in Bangkok. I went to see if the prognosis for my condition (Coats' Disease - look it up) had changed in the last 30 years. Bad news - it hasn't. Good news - after exhaustive tests my left eye shows no sign of developing problems. Sarcastic whoopees all round.

I did get a severe lecture from the eye quack, about playing squash sans goggles (Lynny, find my prescription gigs and send them over please).

I also got a lecture from the missus which was along the lines of "fix the teeth first, you moron".

I also got my left eye's pupil dilated for the examination, then sent out into Bangkok sunshine to make my way home (eyewatering), hoping it would wear off before my squash match later in the day (it did).

While we're on squash....Who said nothing ever gets fixed in Thailand? This is one of the courts at Supalai Park (my apartment block). I can nip over and play any time I like and I'm just as happy as a clam.

I've bought four new albums this week, all by artists you lot won't have heard of, you bunch of Philistines. When I've listened exhaustively to them all I'll post a track from each album here, as part of my ongoing (and rather sad) atempt to enlighten you all to the pleasures of music that isn't either a) a thousand years old, or b) written with the latest x-factor contestant in mind. By the way Sandy, that Philistines jab doesn't include you. Gosh, I can hear the howls from everyone else already. (Note from editor - this is better stuff, edgy, cynical.) Which brings up a question - hands up anyone who's actually gone and bought music on the strength of my posting it here? Do any of you actually buy music, or have you fallen into that curse of modern society, the illegal download? Or would you rather watch telly than turn on the stereogram? Shame on you for either.

I watched a guy die this morning on TV, and I'm not happy about it. I sat down and there it was - the terrible accident on the Luge at the Olympics. No need to go into details, but the point is, why show it? Not in the public interest at all. Gave me the heeby geebies, and so sad for his family.

Right, I'm off to sulk. Be good.

Bring me this man NOW

I want his babies.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8509776.stm

French grip? German grip? Eh?

Had my first drumming lesson since coming to Thailand. The first thing Bryan (photo to follow) said, after watching me attempting to demonstrate my level of (ahem) ability, was that he wanted me to completely change the way I hold the sticks. Fairly radical I thought, but in for a penny in for a Baht. That means I came home with some fairly simple exercises, not the expected reams of new beats to try. Ah well, with wifey having gone home, I have nothing else to do (whimper). Tip...tap....tip...tap.....

Actually I've just done some reading on the subject and not sure I like what I discovered. Seems like more people prefer the old method for versatility. More to follow.

Broadband in the new apartment is imminent, or so I'm told, which is good because currently I'm using my mobile phone as a modem. It's cheap but slow - I'd say glacial. Back in the day, 115 kbps was twice the speed of the fastest modem, but now most websites are designed with BB in mind, so clicking on the bbc news page, for example, means you get all sorts of wizzbang graphics and video clips going on. Fine if you're on a 16 meg connection, but here I click links then go and put the kettle on. And getting my emails? Updating the blog? Forget it. I'm doing this in work (lunchtime, naturellement)

By the way, hello Keith, nice to have you along. Let me know how you're doing via email, or comment on the blog if you like - it's nice to have visitors.

On Lyn's last day here we visited the Jim Thompson house...Evidence we were there

For those who don't know who he was, neither did I until the visit, but nevertheless I'm about to bang on about him like he was my best mate. He was an American architect and entrepreneur who disappeared during a visit to Malaysia in 1967, having built up quite an enterprise in Thailand exporting silk products. His house in Bangkok is a popular tourist attraction now. It is built in traditional Thai style, on stilts and entirely out of wood. It is a beautiful and peaceful place, as are the surrounding gardens...

A plant

Two plants and a leaf.

Lyn and a plant. (No, not the author... hmm, bad joke)

..Quite a surprise in this crowded noisy city. The guide told us proudly how Thompson had designed the house after extensive research into traditional Thai methods. I couldn't help but notice though, that he had cherry-picked from that tradition rather than sticking to the letter of it. For instance, the "House" is basically six houses used as rooms, and he added ceilings, which are not traditional, to facilitate electrical wiring. It's full of beautiful antique statues, furniture and silk hangings. There's a restaurant and an exhibition centre on the site too, both recommended. Gosh, I sound like a tour guide. Anyway, afterwards we took a trip to one of the half-dozen Jim Thompson "Outlets" in town, and spent some money on silk. Job done. The rest of Lyn's last day was spent in Monsoon bar getting drunk and talking bollocks with Maureen. Great fun. Photos:

Fun with feet

Russell and Lyn distracted, Maureen quite focussed.

More fun with less feet.

It's now 51 days 'till wifey's next visit. Humbug. I hope you all get stuck in a snow-drift. Cheers!

Koh Chang

Koh Chang (Thai for "Elephant Island") is quite a large island, hence the name. However, and typically, we saw only the short road to Aiyapura and (aside from one boat trip) we never left the resort. Back packers we're not, so if you're hoping for Russell's Rough Guide you'll be disappointed. I thought I'd be upfront about that. Our plan was to relax after stressful periods at work/uni, and we most certainly did.

Flying from Bangkok was a good choice I think. I don't like long coach rides and the small airport at Trat is nice, a collection of large thatched sheds with nice gardens around. From there we got a minibus for the ferry ride to the island. The minibus took us right to the resort, which is very close to the ferry port, maybe ten minutes drive. Maureen had gone ahead a few days eralier (by coach, ha!) with the Skyros group who were doing the full spa/yoga thing. We only wanted to drink, eat and sunbathe.

Our "Oriental Villa" was very nice, right next to the shore and adjacent to the pool/bar. On dropping our bags off we made a bee line for the pool and within five minutes we were sat with our first cocktail in the sun. Annnnnd relaxxxxx....

Key. Room 001 of course, la di da

Our villa

Regular visitor to our porch. He left when I didn't feed him.

Aiyapura is situated in a bay so we spent many happy hours watching fishermen put-putting along in their small boats. There is a small beach but neither of us particularly likes sand so we avoided it. From the lobby/restaurant area you can look down over the whole resort, which is on a fairly steep hillside. There are golf carts for the more lazy types to get around, chauffeur driven of course.

View from the lobby restaurant

Panorama by the pool

We sat at this pool bar on underwater stools and swigged cocktails.

View from the pool back up to the lobby restaurant.

Lyn studies a menu

On day three we went with M and the rest of the Skyros crowd on a boat trip to some outlying islands, for a snorkeling/beach bbq/general relaxation trip. Snorkeling was new to both of us, and we took to it like ducks to water - or at least one of us did. Eventually Lyn was persuaded to don a mask, but defiitely not flippers. When I managed to get her to take a breath through the snorkel with her face in the water she was fine, although doing that and actually swimming along at the same time was too much for her, bless. I ended up keeping hold of her hand and dragging her along, while we exchanged excited hand-gestures at each new wonder. Magic moments. At one point I fed a croissant underwater to about a hundred vividly coloured fish. They even tried nibbling my arm in their frenzy to get some french cuisine. Lyn gets up close and personal with the fish

By the way, there's one obvious problem for fair-skinned people - your back is exposed constantly and if you forget to use the old factor 30 in your eagerness to get in the water, then pain is the only outcome. Sunburn is famously old ground on this blog, and I'm not saying I got as badly cooked as last time, but definitely there was considerable discomfort that night. In fact I'm still itchy now.

One event during the boat trip was a stop for refreshments at Koh Wai, which is an island without proper power supply. It attracts hippy types as far as I can tell, and Lyn seemed keen on the idea of spending time there. I'm skeptical because, whether due to age or affluence, we tend to avoid roughing it. The place looked scruffy, was full of cats and dogs, and populated by bony people with dreadlocks who look like they smell of Patchouli oil.

Halfway through the trip we realised that Lyn's tolerance of insect bites is as low as ever. Most of the trouble was with her lower legs.....and in fact the problem got much worse later on. We're talking 50-60 bites, all turning into bruises. We think it might have been unwise to play volleyball in the grass with no shoes on.

That's about all really - I've run out of pictures so have nothing more to say. It was a lovely break and I don't rule out returning to Koh Chang some day.

A blog on my first Thai drumming lesson is imminent. Meanwhile, be good.